Building Blocks DVD Study - Couple's Kit

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

We are equal but we are not the same.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.