Crazy Cycle CD (10 Pack)

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

We are equal but we are not the same.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.