The Crazy Cycle In The Workplace - Study Guide (Download)

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

We are equal but we are not the same.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?