Motivating Your Man God’s Way (Book Set and Free CD)

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Your words reveal your heart.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.