Motivating Your Man God’s Way (Book Set and Free CD)

This bundle includes Book 1 and Book 2 of the Motivating Your Man God’s Way series. Also included is a 60 min Crazy Cycle CD of a radio broadcast Emerson did for Focus on the Family, which looks at how couples experience and deal with conflict.

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Motivating Your Man God’s Way

Book Set with The Crazy Cycle CD

Discovering One Word That Energizes Your Husband to Love

Motivating Your Man God’s Way! Sound intriguing? Every wife we have met desires to motivate her man to be more loving. So what motivates a husband to love, and feel more love for his wife? Dr. Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs discovered the secret and share it with wives in this simple guide.

Dr. Eggerichs says: “If there’s one thing that we have discovered in our years counseling couples, it’s that husbands really seem to lack motivation in this area! For instance, who primarily seeks out marriage counseling? Who most often urges attendance at a marriage seminar? That’s right – she does. We felt that this was the fundamental problem in many of the marriage difficulties we bumped up against.”

Applying One Word That Energizes Your Husband to Love

In the first book, you made the remarkable discovery of your husband's secret code word. This newfound knowledge serves as a powerful motivator for your husband, compelling him to serve and even sacrifice for you. Now, as you enter this next book, you are prepared to put this discovery into action. According to Dr. Eggerichs, "As a wife, you communicate in a unique code. Whether you realize it or not, you have a code, and you expect your husband to decipher it."

The key to motivating your husband lies in helping him understand the true intentions behind your words and actions, essentially decoding your secret code. So, how can you accomplish this? We firmly believe that if you, as a wife, make an effort to comprehend your husband's code and apply the principles outlined in this book, he will in turn strive to understand your code better. This is what makes this journey extraordinary and truly amazing!

The Crazy Cycle CD

This dynamic CD is a great introduction to the Love and Respect Message! Dr. Eggerichs is at his entertaining best as he presents the Crazy Cycle before a live audience.

Later aired on the Focus on the Family broadcast, this presentation became the #1 responded to broadcast for Focus that year. Just under 60 minutes long, the Crazy Cycle CD makes a great gift for anyone with whom you’d like to share the message of Love and Respect.

Get to know...

Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs

Dr. Emerson Eggerichs is an internationally known public speaker on the topic of male-female relationships. Based on over three decades of pastoring, counseling and study of biblical and scientific research, Dr. Eggerichs and his wife Sarah developed the Love and Respect Conference which they present to live audiences around the country.

About Love & Respect
Portrait of Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs

Product Quotes

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Building Blocks

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Respectfully Yours

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

The Illumination Project (Journal)

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Building Blocks

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Love & Respect

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Love & Respect

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Love & Respect Podcast

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

The Illumination Project (Journal)

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

The Illumination Project (Journal)

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

The Love and Respect Experience

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Love & Respect in the Family

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

Love & Respect

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Respectfully Yours

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

The Language of Love & Respect

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

Love & Respect

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Love & Respect

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Respectfully Yours

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

The Illumination Project (Journal)

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

The Love and Respect Experience - Prayers

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Building Blocks

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

The Love and Respect Experience - Prayers

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

The Love and Respect Experience

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

The Love and Respect Experience

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

The Love and Respect Experience

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Building Blocks

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

The Language of Love & Respect Book

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

The Love and Respect Experience

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

The Love and Respect Experience

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Before You Hit Send

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Before You Hit Send

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Before You Hit Send

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Building Blocks

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Building Blocks

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

Building Blocks

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

The Love and Respect Experience

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

The Love and Respect Experience

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

The Love and Respect Experience

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Building Blocks

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Love & Respect

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

The Language of Love & Respect Book

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

The Language of Love & Respect Book

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

The Love and Respect Experience

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Before You Hit Send

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

The Love and Respect Experience

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Building Blocks

We are equal but we are not the same.

Building Blocks

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

The Love and Respect Experience - Prayers

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Love & Respect

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

The Love and Respect Experience

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

The Love and Respect Experience

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

The Love and Respect Experience - Prayers

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Building Blocks

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Love & Respect Podcast

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Love & Respect

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Respectfully Yours

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

The Illumination Project (Journal)

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Love & Respect

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Building Blocks

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

The Love and Respect Experience

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

The Love and Respect Experience

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

The Love and Respect Experience

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Love & Respect

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

The Love and Respect Experience

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Love & Respect Podcast

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

The Love and Respect Experience

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Love & Respect Book

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Building Blocks

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

The Language of Love & Respect Book

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Building Blocks

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

The Love and Respect Experience
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