Motivating Your Man God’s Way (Book Set and Free CD)

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

We send each other messages in “code” based on gender, even though we don’t intend to. What I say is not what you hear, and what you think you heard is not what I meant at all.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Your words reveal your heart.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Share what God is saying to your heart, not what you think He needs to say to your mate.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.