Motivating Your Man God’s Way (Book Set and Free CD)

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)