Mother & Son

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

We are equal but we are not the same.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.