The 4 Wills of God

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

When confronting your spouse, attack the behavior, not the person.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

We are equal but we are not the same.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Your words reveal your heart.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.