The 4 Wills of God

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

We are equal but we are not the same.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

God is good and wants what is best for us.

[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

Your words reveal your heart.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.