The 4 Wills of God

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

The heart of my communication means the other person cannot get my heart to be unkind, unloving, or disrespectful. Instead, I have made a decision about who I will be independent of the other person. I won’t blame my unkindness on someone else.

When your wife comes to talk to you, listen to her. Realize she is coming to you because you matter more to her than anyone else. She has certain emotional needs and only you can meet them. Sometimes she may say things that don’t make sense to you and she is apt to misspeak and exaggerate when she is upset, but don’t put her down. Instead, listen to her heart. Give her a chance to express her concerns and, as she does so, don’t try to fix her. Don’t give her your solutions unless she asks for them.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

God is good and wants what is best for us.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

We are equal but we are not the same.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.