The 4 Wills of God

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

We are equal but we are not the same.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Your words reveal your heart.

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

“Living happily ever after” means knowing how to deal with the imperfect parts of life.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.