The 4 Wills of God

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

We are equal but we are not the same.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

A husband may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Your words reveal your heart.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.