The Illumination Project

The Illumination Project is a six-week study by Joy Eggerichs, and her father Emerson Eggerichs (author of Love and Respect). The series captures a conversation between the two of them in front of a live audience.

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What You Will Learn

A Candid Conversation Between Joy Eggerichs Reed and Her Father

Embark on a profound exploration into the intricate dynamics of successful relationships and unlock the transformative power of love and respect. Within this enlightening journey, you will delve into the complexities faced within marriages, particularly during times of conflict and difficulty. With empathy and insight, we will unravel the nuances of assumptions and misunderstandings that can hinder true connection. By peering beneath the surface, you will discover the profound impact that understanding and addressing underlying needs can have on your relationship. Prepare to be empowered as you gain invaluable tools to navigate challenging situations, foster empathy, and cultivate a deepened bond with your partner. Through this transformative exploration, you will unlock the potential to create a love-filled and mutually fulfilling relationship that withstands the test of time.

Embark on a thought-provoking journey of self-discovery as we uncover the deep-rooted reasons behind the fear of showing respect in relationships. Dive into the profound impact that personal definitions can have on our connections with others, and gain valuable insights into reshaping our perspectives for the better. Reflect on the transformative power of serving others, as we explore how acts of kindness and selflessness can revolutionize our relationships and bring joy to both giver and receiver. In moments of heartache and loneliness, we will illuminate the significance of community and the healing that can be found in genuine connections with others. Finally, prepare to be moved by the profound truth of Jesus' love and the life-changing implications it holds for each and every one of us. Through this soul-stirring exploration, you will gain a deeper understanding of yourself, your relationships, and the boundless love that has the power to transform your life.

Embark on an enlightening journey as we delve into the intricate complexities of gender differences and their profound implications in relationships. Take a moment to reflect on the concept of equality, recognizing that it goes beyond mere sameness and embraces the richness of diverse perspectives and strengths. Explore the challenges and freedoms that come with navigating these differences, delving into conflicts and communication patterns between men and women. Let us examine prevailing stereotypes and the vital importance of understanding and honoring each other's perspectives. Moreover, let us confront the damaging effects of labeling, acknowledging how it shapes our treatment of one another in the realms of dating and marriage. Through this transformative exploration, gain a deeper understanding of the multifaceted nature of gender dynamics, fostering healthier connections rooted in empathy, respect, and a celebration of the beautiful differences that make each individual unique.

Embark on a transformative exploration as we delve into the concept of contentment and seek guidance from God in navigating different life situations, as outlined in First Corinthians 7:3–11. Reflect on the implications of gender differences and the notion of hierarchy in relationships, contemplating their alignment with Ephesians 5:33. Dive deep into the profound essence of unconditional love and respect, recognizing their empowering nature and their potential to inspire positive change. Engage in a thought-provoking dialogue on assuming goodwill and find the balance between setting boundaries and extending grace in our relationships. Through this enlightening journey, discover the wisdom and principles that can cultivate contentment, harmony, and growth, both within ourselves and in our cherished connections with others.

Explore fears and hesitations around marriage for both single and married individuals, including the desire for marriage coupled with a fear of commitment. Reflect on the complexity of relationships, the responsibility of Christian marriages to represent the Christ-church relationship, and the impact of Christians' imperfect track record on marriage perception. Discuss doubts within a covenant and the concept of the "gift of singleness" and its implications on contentment and personal growth. Consider the tension between expressing desires and surrendering to God's will. Emphasize the inherent worth of every individual in the eyes of God.

In this riveting final session, Emerson and Joy graciously take center stage to address the burning questions of the audience. With their profound wisdom and genuine compassion, they embark on a captivating Q&A session that serves as the perfect culmination of the enlightening journey offered by The Illumination Project. Drawing from their vast experience and unique perspectives, Emerson and Joy dive deep into the heart of each query, unraveling insights and offering practical guidance to navigate the complexities of relationships and life. This cherished opportunity to engage directly with these esteemed individuals ensures an intimate and transformative experience, leaving attendees with a renewed sense of clarity, inspiration, and empowered to embrace the journey ahead.

The Illumination Project Kit

A Six-Week Study

The Illumination Project

The Illumination Project (TIP) by Joy Eggerichs and Dr. Emerson Eggerichs is a six-week video series that tackles the unique challenges faced by 18-35 year olds in matters of faith, dating, marriage, and male/female relationships. Filmed in front of a live audience in Portland, OR, Joy shares her relatable stories and questions while Emerson provides insights from his extensive study and experiences. This series aims to inspire wisdom and illumination among young adults by asking thought-provoking questions and offering valuable guidance. Available on DVD and online streaming, TIP includes accompanying journals and features talented Portland-based artists and musicians. Suitable for individuals aged 18 and older, it addresses common questions for singles, those in relationships, married, or divorced. TIP also serves as a valuable resource for older generations seeking to mentor young adults, making it an ideal tool for group discussions or personal exploration.

Who is it for?

The Illumination Project is a versatile tool suitable for individuals aged 18 and older. It is designed to be used in a small group context, ideally bringing together both young and old participants, although it can also be utilized among peers or independently. The series specifically addresses the common questions faced by 18-35 year olds, regardless of their relationship status, whether they are single, dating, married, or divorced. Additionally, TIP is an excellent resource for the older generation who wish to mentor younger individuals, as simply starting the videos will spark meaningful discussions. It is important to note that while The Illumination Project includes content relevant to singles, it is not exclusively focused on being a "singles study."

Get to know...

Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs

Dr. Emerson Eggerichs is an internationally known public speaker on the topic of male-female relationships. Based on over three decades of pastoring, counseling and study of biblical and scientific research, Dr. Eggerichs and his wife Sarah developed the Love and Respect Conference which they present to live audiences around the country.

About Love & Respect
Portrait of Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs

Product Quotes

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Building Blocks

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

We are equal but we are not the same.

Building Blocks

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

The Love and Respect Experience

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

The Love and Respect Experience

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Building Blocks

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Building Blocks

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Before You Hit Send

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

The Love and Respect Experience

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Love & Respect

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

The Language of Love & Respect Book

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

The Love and Respect Experience

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

Love & Respect

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Love & Respect Podcast

Truth will carry its own weight if delivered respectfully and lovingly.

Love & Respect Podcast

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Love & Respect Book

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

The Language of Love & Respect Book

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Love & Respect in the Family

We can communicate the truth in the best of manners, but the person may be so insecure he or she can only react and attack like a wounded bear.

Before You Hit Send

It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Stay the course regardless of the child’s respect and obedience. This is the Family Rewarded Cycle: a parents love unto Christ regardless of the child.

Love & Respect in the Family

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Respectfully Yours

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

Respectfully Yours

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

The Illumination Project (Journal)

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Love & Respect

Ladies, be careful. “A nagging wife goes on and on like the drip, drip, drip of the rain” (Proverbs 19:13).

The Language of Love & Respect Book

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Love & Respect in the Family

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Love & Respect

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

Building Blocks

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Love & Respect Podcast

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

Before You Hit Send

The mature one in the marriage seldom moves second.

The Love and Respect Experience

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Before You Hit Send

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

The Love and Respect Experience

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

Love & Respect

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that successful ones keep getting up and dealing with the issues.

Love & Respect

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Love & Respect Podcast

Fight like a loving man and a respectful woman. Fight fair.

The Love and Respect Experience

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Love & Respect

Be friendly. Be friendly. Be friendly. Watch what happens.

Love & Respect Podcast

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

The Language of Love & Respect Book

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Love & Respect in the Family

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Building Blocks

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Building Blocks

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

Respectfully Yours

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

Love & Respect

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

The Love and Respect Experience

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

The Illumination Project (Journal)

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

The Love and Respect Experience

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Love & Respect

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

The Love and Respect Experience

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

The Illumination Project (Journal)

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Love & Respect in the Family

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

The Love and Respect Experience

Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.

Building Blocks

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Before You Hit Send

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

The Love and Respect Experience

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

The Language of Love & Respect Book

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

The Love and Respect Experience

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Building Blocks

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Love & Respect

God’s commands are not burdensome, but are given to us to spare us from more pain. Why would God command you to do something that doesn’t work?

Respectfully Yours

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

The Love and Respect Experience

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

The Love and Respect Experience

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

The Language of Love & Respect Book

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

Love & Respect

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

The Love and Respect Experience

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Building Blocks

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Love & Respect for a Lifetime

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Respectfully Yours

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

The Illumination Project (Journal)

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

Love & Respect

When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.

Love & Respect

Assume goodwill about the person you are in conflict with.

The Illumination Project (Journal)
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