The Language of Love & Respect

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Being friendly to her man is one of the most effective things a woman can do to strengthen her marriage.

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

He will feel appreciated when you disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

Research shows that 70% of the couples who were extremely unhappy in their marriage, but hung in there and worked through the tough time, identified themselves as being very happy five years later.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Holding back your love or respect will just keep the Crazy Cycle spinning away, but being mature and making the first move could slow it down.

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

Knowing my spouse will not be able to love or respect me perfectly, I commit to having a forgiving spirit so that I may never speak hatefully or contemptuously.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

To get offended is easy, but to forgive is within your power as you walk in His steps.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

Marriage is a tool and a test to allow God’s will to be revealed in our lives.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

Husbands, to energize your wife give her face-to-face time, allowing her to talk and share her feelings.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.