The Love and Respect Devotional

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Negative actions rarely produce positive results.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed, “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25).

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

Your hunger for God can create an appetite in your children.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

You have to become proactive, rather than just trying to stop the reactive.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Do you give yourself grace and your spouse judgment?

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

As strong and powerful as marriage bonds can become, our deepest dependency must be on the Lord, not another human being.

His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Your words reveal your heart.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

A wife has one driving need: to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need: to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy with conflict.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

He will feel appreciated when you recognize his problem-solving approach as his male brand of empathy.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

As a wife, if you can start to understand how important your husband’s work is to him, you will take a giant step toward communicating respect and honor, two things that he values even more than your love.

Your husband knows you appreciate his desire to protect and provide when you praise his commitment to provide for you. You empathize when he reveals his male mindset about position, status, or rank at work.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

We have different vulnerabilities. We can pass judgment on one another all day long or we can say God made us different and that’s ok.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward.

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Thank the Lord that in the very beginning He created them male and female – Blue and Pink. Ask Him for patience and ever-growing understanding of how men and women see and hear differently. “He created them male and female, and He blessed them.” (Genesis 5:2)

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

Husbands primarily want to hear ‘respect” talk during conflict. Wives primarily want to hear “love” talk during conflict.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.