The Love and Respect Devotional

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

In the ultimate sense you marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship with Jesus Christ.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

When there is confusion, I try to refrain from attacking another for not listening carefully (which may not be the case). Instead, I take a run at communicating again, but more clearly.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

You must distinguish between “I can’t” and “I won’t.”

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Your marriage is a test of your devotion to Christ.

Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.

We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)

Recognize your different gifts--how each of you (Pink and Blue) functions according to God’s perfect design.

Do you understand that God feels compassion for you, no matter what you have done or what your circumstances may be?

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Can you begin to trust that God feels love for you even when you don’t feel that love?

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

You have two ears and one mouth; use them proportionately.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.

Troubles over sex and money do not cause a marriage to go under. The lack of love and respect during conflict cause the marriage to go under.

It’s so easy to dismiss our spouse as childish because we don’t have the same vulnerabilities they do.

Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Although the Crazy Cycle is not what God intends for any marriage, all couples get on it at times from one degree to another.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.

Words of love from a husband are like good medicine that brings life to the marriage.

If you want your husband to express appreciation for your attempts to be respectful, you must speak thankfully when he tries to be loving.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

Being a person who communicates what is true frequently demands tact, and at times it can feel like sidestepping land mines. It takes work to be both truthful and tactful.

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

Marriage is a test of how you unconditionally love and respect your spouse as you obey, honor, and please the Lord.

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.

There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

Words of wisdom for all husbands and wives are these: We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Our trustworthiness rests on our truthfulness.

A most significant point of this book is this: If what we think is true, kind, necessary, and clear, we need to have the courage to hit send. This isn’t about refraining from speaking; this is about speaking.

Always try to look at your spouse the way Jesus does.

Though the end can be worthy (to be loved and respected), when each uses unholy means (unloving and disrespectful words and actions), it will not achieve those ends. We must treat others as we expect them to treat us. To deny this makes us arrogant or fools, or both.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

We are worth Jesus to the Father.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

Clarifying is what you do before you step on your mate’s air hose and deflate his or her spirit. For example, you are having a typical conversation, but you can tell there is a misunderstanding. One of you isn’t being clear or isn’t hearing correctly. Then and there you clarify the misunderstanding before your spouse’s spirit deflates. You lovingly or respectfully clarify matters so that your spouse will not feel unloved or disrespected. The reason you take pains to clarify a seemingly small matter is to prevent the situation from becoming a love and respect issue that needs decoding. Clarifying is what you do to stay off the Crazy Cycle and keep positive, energetic feelings flowing between the two of you, to keep yourselves on the Energizing Cycle.

Your spouse can have a need that you don’t have and that’s okay.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.