Husband & Wife Mug Set and Coaster

Let the Lord change you, but don’t try to change each other.

If you want your wife to express appreciation for your attempts to be loving, you must use thankful words when she tries to speak or act respectfully.

Trust God when the “why’s” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

It’s hard to realize that we would never act around our business associates the way we act around our spouse.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.

Your words reveal your heart.

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

We have discovered that as women motivate their man God’s way, men are energized to love them better. It doesn’t matter if your marriage is good or seems like there is no hope. We have seen God move in powerful ways even when things looked hopeless.

Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

I had often asked God to compensate for my mistakes, but in return had I thought He would give me perfect children?

Focus on the positive in the midst of the negative, and the Energizing Cycle will keep right on humming.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

When sorting out how to slow down the Crazy Cycle, it helps to remember that men are commanded to love because they don’t love naturally, and on the other side, women are commanded to respect because they don’t respect naturally.

Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.

Do you bow to the influence of Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

Assuming goodwill can be revolutionary in relationships.

When a wife insists that her husband earn her respect, she puts him in a lose-lose situation.

Respect for the husband is just as important as love for the wife.

Accidental sparks (unwise remarks) ignite and fuel a fire, and vroom goes the Crazy Cycle.

We all need to wrestle with the spiritual truth that God is good. If you don’t believe God is good, you won’t trust His word. If you don’t trust His word, you will find excuses to ignore His commands.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

The Love and Respect message is not about a husband earning his wife’s respect by being more loving any more than it is about a wife earning her husband’s love by being more respectful. Always love or respect is given unconditionally according to God’s commands.

It is hard to be negative while being thankful.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

When parents genuinely trust and follow the Lord and His ways, their faith spills over onto the children.

Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.

Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).

Your spouse deserves the truth from you. Do your best to tell it with love and respect.

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

Thank God for His forgiveness of your mistakes. In trying to be a loving man or a respectful woman, we blow it. Owning up to mistakes is never easy, but it is always the way to move forward. Take good care not to accuse your spouse of mistakes as you pray. Also, pray about any forgiving to be done in the family, any forgiveness that needs to be asked. Children may need forgiveness (and what about Mom and Dad?). “There is no one on earth who does what is right all the time and never makes a mistake.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20)

Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.

I have concluded that those of us in the church who believe we have the Truth are not using the whole truth. A crucial part of God’s Word has been completely ignored, or perhaps simply gone unnoticed, when it has been there right under our noses the whole time! Many Christian spouses know Ephesians 5:33 and can at least paraphrase it. The Apostle Paul tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. But is anyone really listening? Perhaps the first step to better communication between husband and wife is to hear what God’s Word clearly says. --Emerson

Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Always remember that Pink and Blue have different wiring, different preferences. Assume your spouse has goodwill toward you, no matter what. Both of you can be right, while being different.

When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.

Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.

How we react to a situation reveals more about us than about the other person.

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

Words of Love or Respect must uplift your spouse, edifying- never manipulating him or her.

Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)

Always see your mate as an ally. Feedback is of little use if you see your spouse as an enemy. Giving and receiving constructive feedback is based on feelings of goodwill in both partners. Both of you need to remember that, even if you don’t always agree and even if you become irritated or angry, you are friends, and neither of you means to hurt the other.

When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.

When one of you makes a mistake, control any anger you may feel and trust God completely, no matter what happens.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.

At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!

If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.

We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

When others do not respond to our communication, we need to look first at our communication style. Is the other person incapable of hearing what we have to say? Or are we abrupt, brusque, and curt?

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.

The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

The more we are upset at something, the wiser it is to let twenty-four hours pass before responding.

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.

Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.

Money squabbles don’t undermine love and respect; they simply reveal unloving and disrespectful attitudes, which are the real reason why a marriage can start to wobble on the Crazy Cycle.

Since it is easy to focus on the negative, focus on your mate’s good qualities and express thanks with positive words of Love or Respect.

Our research shows that couples who pray together are more apt to reap all kinds of benefits, including better and more frequent communication, going on “dates” more frequently and having sex more frequently.

We have to step back as Christ followers and ask, “Do I have false expectations that my relationship should be romantic 99% of the time?”

A woman needs love like she needs air to breathe. A man needs respect like he needs air to breathe.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

If a husband is commanded to agape- love his wife, then she truly needs love.

In the ultimate sense, your marriage has nothing to do with your spouse. It has everything to do with your relationship to Jesus Christ.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.

Men are solution oriented, they love to solve problems. They want to be helpful.

God is not pink. God is not blue. God is purple. When two become one, they have the potential of displaying God’s attributes and character.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

When you relinquish an offense, you need to send that offense somewhere. So follow Jesus’ example and release it to your heavenly Father.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

It is crucial for a husband and wife to see that neither one is wrong, but both of them are very different--in body function, outlook and perspective.

Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.

Your husband knows you value his friendship when you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).