Husband & Wife Mug Set and Coaster

Marital researchers agree that a huge percentage of communication problems between husband and wife are due not to what is said but to how it is said – the attitude and tone of voice.

We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.

Unconditional respect, like unconditional love, is all about how one sounds (tone of voice and word choice) and appears (facial expressions and physical actions).

A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.

This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.

“You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

Love and Respect is a faith venture, not a formula.

With a better understanding of God’s promises, you will be on your way to a renewed mind and a changed life.

Trusting and obeying God’s Word because we love and reverence God never, ever makes us a hypocrite! When the alarm goes off in the morning, we get up, even when we don’t feel like it getting up. Because we do what we don’t feel like doing, does that make us hypocrites? No, it’s a sign we are responsible people. Showing respectful behavior when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity.

God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.

God rewards your obedience to love and respect, even if your spouse does not respond!

Before hitting send, ask yourself, "Have I listened carefully and understand the exact issue on the table?"

Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.

When you play the blame game your marriage never wins.

We are equal but we are not the same.

The moment we cry to Him for help, He is already pleased. He gives us strength to love our children.

When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.

[Women], as you enter quiet dignity, not preaching at your husband or scolding him as though you were his mother, something happens in his soul as a male.

No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.

We fool ourselves into thinking the other person causes us to be the way we are. They really don’t! But if we lock into that idea, we become helpless, hopeless victims.

Do you seek to understand or only to be understood?

Christian maturity involves a lot of things, but surely it includes knowing how to process your anger.

Unconditional respect means we confront their wrongdoings respectfully. We do not become uncivil because they are. Who they fail to be does not determine who we will be.

When we feel crippling discouragement by the sinful choices and outcomes of our kids, we must not let this permanently deter us from parenting God’s way.

A major step toward a happy marriage is accepting differences and working them out with love and respect.

God’s commands are there to help us, not to hinder us or hold us back as male and female.

God is good and wants what is best for us.

You can experience hurt, but it is your choice to hate.

Will we decide how we see God based on our circumstances, or will we see our circumstances in light of how we view God?

If you are seeking positive change in your marriage, you will need to make a positive change in your attitude and actions.

You cannot use unholy means to achieve a worthy end.

Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.

Your spouse may meet many of your needs, but your deepest dependency should be on your Lord.

If a husband chooses to be a peacemaker--taking the needs and concerns of his wife totally into account during any kind of argument or conflict--his wife will be motivated in turn to respond to his authority during stalemates.

His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love.

Wives, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God. Husbands, you never know: The way you handle this [conflict] might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God. (1 Corinthians 7:16)

She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.

If a husband loves his wife as he should, she will feel honored and respected. If a wife respects her husband as she should, he will feel loved and appreciated. It’s a win-win.

One thing to remember in this culture is if we say something complimentary towards one gender, we aren’t saying something against the other.

Suppressing negative feelings is not loving, respectful or very wise. Speak up tactfully.

Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.

You’re the only person in the world who can meet your spouse’s deepest need for love and respect. After all, you alone are married to your spouse.

When you love or respect unconditionally regardless of the outcome, you are following God and His will for you.

You can be right in the argument, but wrong in your approach.

Self-interest should never come ahead of your spouse’s interests.

Mutual understanding, not communication, is the key to a healthy marriage relationship.

To build a lasting legacy, use proven wisdom that you glean from the Lord.

Your spouse has a need only you can fill.

We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.

Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.

A man has a natural, inborn desire to go out and “conquer” the challenges of his world – to work and achieve.

Your spouse has a need that you don’t have. Are you going to say there is something seriously wrong with them or will you say “Viva la Difference”?

To stay the course in speaking words of Love and Respect, keep your heart in Scripture, trusting in and talking about His promises to help you.

A wife has one driving need--to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. A husband has one driving need--to feel respected. When that need is met he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically.

As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!

We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.

Wives, to energize your husband do an activity with him, shoulder-to-shoulder, without talking.

You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.

If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.

Good intentions do not always produce good words or outcomes.

Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.

You speak lovingly or respectfully no matter how your spouse may speak to you in return. Your spouse is not the reason--good or bad--why you speak unconditional words of love or respect. God is the reason, and as you depend on Him, you will become increasingly able to speak lovingly and respectfully to your spouse.

It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.

Mutual submission is the only way to live fairly together with mutual authority.

[Husbands] the most powerful weapons you have are your ears. Just listen to your wife, and she is much more likely to feel understood.

Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative with lots of love and respect in between.

Your wife will feel esteemed when you speak highly of her in front of others.

Optimism or pessimism? It is always a choice, no matter what your natural temperament.

[Women], your self-love cannot be derived from your husband’s love. It can affect it, but it does not determine it.

You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”

Often both spouses have goodwill but are not deciphering each other’s code. She criticizes out of love, but he “hears” only disrespect. He distances himself to prevent feelings from escalating, which is the honorable thing to do, but she “sees” only his failure to be loving!

Whose voice are you listening to: Hollywood or God’s Holy Word?

The Lord made women (Pink) and men (Blue) with differences, and He expects us to recognize and deal with those differences in a loving and respectful way.

When a wife asks, “Do you love me?” She is not trying to put her husband on the spot. She is simply looking for reassurance.

The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.

When evil comes at you, you’re the one who makes the choice of whether or not it is going to go into you.

We are either going to give in the darkness or we are going to give into the darkness.

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“

Mistakes can’t be undone, but they can be forgiven.

The parent-child relationship is as easy, and as difficult, as love and respect.

In your marriage be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11)

The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)

A marriage relationship will be energized when couples learn how to motivate each other God’s way.

Women give a report to build rapport. Men bond through shoulder-to-shoulder activities without talking.

Could you be facing a crisis in faith more than a crisis in your marriage?

When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

To not forgive is to shoot yourself in the foot and put extra gas in the Crazy Cycle.

God is not trying to trick you or mess with you. Trust that He wants to reveal Himself to you just as much as He wants to reveal Himself to the world.

When you’re truly Christ-centered, instead of child-centered, you will be a more effective parent in the long run.

She’s not wrong for not being male. He is not wrong for not being female. When you put pink and blue together, you get purple, the color of royalty; the color of God. Together, a husband and wife reflect God’s image.

Do you believe that there is a God who really loves you and wants to help you?

You both forgive for one simple but profound reason: because you know Christ has forgiven you!

Every marriage includes trouble some of the time. Do not let the 20% leaven all the rest.

So I encourage every husband and wife to commit to the Jesus Way of Talking. Instead of allowing the stress of the situation to control you, you can say to yourself, “Because I love the Lord and I know that He rewards every good word, I am going to be truthful even if my spouse is not. I will also be uplifting, forgiving, thankful and scriptural in my speech because my ultimate goal is to please the Lord. Whatever my spouse’s weaknesses or bad habits might be, I will not let them cause me to sin with my lips.”

Refuse to let evil turn you into a contemptuous and hateful person.

Thank God for joining you together and for allowing you to trust Him to help you, whatever the issue. God is there for you and expects you to look to Him to keep you together as a team, so ask Him for His help in the smallest of concerns. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

When a husband chooses to come across lovingly even though he feels disrespected, he can prevent the Crazy Cycle from spinning and possibly getting out of control.

Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.

As you pray together, you will truly learn to love and respect together.