How do I ask my husband if he prays for me? Or should I not ask and hope he does?
When a wife asks her husband, “Did you pray for me?” often times she does so in such a way that her husband hears a potential “gotcha” behind this question. Many are leery of why she asks, since he knows he prays less than she does; and he is also very aware of how often he forgets to pray at all, let alone pray for his wife specifically.
But if he remains silent to his wife’s inquiry, he anticipates hearing, “If you did not pray for me, and I don’t think you did, which is why I am asking, this just proves how little you think of me or care about my concerns.”
So now that you know what is going through your husband’s mind when you ask him about if he prays for you, what can you do? You don’t want to be the nagging wife, but you certainly also have a right to expect that he as the spiritual leader of the family is advocating for you through prayer to our heavenly Father.
Consider saying to your husband something along the lines of, “Please make mention in prayer today for me, two things, which are . . .” (Keep it brief and to the point—two bullet points). Then be sure to tell him why you need his prayers. “I need the authority God has given to you as the priest of the family. When you make mention of things in prayer, I believe God listens to you. Yes, I know God is sovereign and overrides what we ask but I know your brief prayer works. I just happen to believe God has given this privilege to husbands and fathers. Thanks.”
Then leave it alone. Don’t ask later if he prayed. If he didn’t, your question won’t motivate him to pray; rather it will only shame him for failing to do as you requested. I recommend staying on that tact for a year and see what the Lord does. Bottom line: ask for prayer (by way of bullet points), then assume he is praying without you needing to follow up and verify with him.
A wife needs to also remind herself why she is inviting her husband to pray. Sadly, some wives are less concerned about him actually praying for her and more concerned that he has her on his heart. In her mind, his prayers for her prove that he thinks of her. But this is rooted more in her need for love and reassurance than it is for her desire for almighty God to help with the situation. She must keep her focus on her need for his prayers about some issue and not use prayer as a way for him to prove that he loves her.
Prayer can indeed evidence that he cares, but if a wife wishes to keep her husband engaged over the years of praying for her and about various needs, she should not make his proving his love for her through prayer an issue.
Instead, stay on message: “Please make mention in prayer today a couple things. [Then mention them]. Thanks.” Don’t let your mind go to, “I wonder if he prayed? I will ask him.”
Assume the best and keep assuming the best.
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The Marriage Mindset July 18, 2018