In Galatians 3:28, Paul says, “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” Does this word from the apostle do away with male and female differences, such as those that for years I have distinguished as “pink and blue” and “not wrong, just different”? After all, Paul said there is neither male nor female.
What else could he have meant, some have asked, if not that there are no distinctions between male and female?
Well, first, Paul also said in that verse, “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man.” Did he mean that a Jew was no longer a Jew, and if this Jew wished to be a Greek, he could become a Gentile? Could a slave cease being a slave and become a free man simply from wishing it to be true? Of course not. Paul isn’t even hinting at that, nor have even the most liberal scholars suggested that.
I was once talking with another man about his marriage, and he shared with me that whenever he and his wife would get into a fight, she would get “historical.” Curious at his choice of words, I asked him if he meant “hysterical.” He replied, “No, historical. She keeps dredging everything up from the past.”
The truth is, when upset, a wife can get both historical and hysterical. At that moment the husband does not hear what is no doubt his wife’s heart message, “I am feeling unloved and need reassurance of your love.” Instead, he hears, “I do not respect you.” He misinterprets why she is giving him a history lesson of what he did wrong that hurt her. In response, instead of soliciting empathy and an “I’m sorry,” he goes on the defensive because he feels she is saying, “Here is proof again that you are an inadequate husband and human being, and I could never respect you.”
One day I received the following message from a husband that encouraged me greatly, as do so many letters I receive from people who have discovered the Love and respect message:
The reason we came to the conference was because my pastor found out that I had filed for divorce. And he asked if I would go see you. I was so bitter at this point, I told my pastor that I would apply it in my next marriage. He said, “Okay, I’ll pay for the weekend. Just go!” And I really thought nothing you would say could change my mind. It was the most eye-opening weekend of my life. [My wife] and I both wanted the divorce but we really had no good reason, just unhappy. Your conference turned on all kinds of light bulbs for both of us. And it saved our marriage. Emerson, God is using you in a big way. I just wanted to say thank you.
If only this couple had taken to heart Paul’s warning in 1 Corinthians 10:12, which says, “let him who thinks he stands take heed that he does not fall.”
Because quite sadly, several weeks later this couple got in a major conflict and divorced. After the divorce, he admitted how wrong and foolish he had been. Like this couple, people can receive the insights from the Love and Respect conference, and experience an incredible healing, but just that quickly, re-enter their destructive paths.
That is why I try to warn people that though optimism can surge when you apply the Love and Respect message, they should get ready for a period where things go flat.
Have you heard the joke that says, “A man will pay two dollars for an item he needs that is only worth a dollar, whereas a woman will pay a dollar for an item she doesn’t need that is worth two dollars but is on sale”?
Is that always true? Of course not.
But people laugh at this because they have heard many women in their lives justifying a purchase because “it was on sale!”
On the other hand, while men tend not to do as much shopping as women (though there are exceptions), when they feel they have to have something, they will typically pay more to get it right then and there.
Naturally, between husbands and wives, disagreements arise when each finds out what the other did. He asks with emotion, “You did what? You bought something that you didn’t need?” And she firmly states, “What a rip-off! I can’t believe you paid what you did for that thing!”
But each has a reasonable explanation for spending what they did, when they did it, on what they spent it on.