The Crazy Cycle, as explained in my book Love & Respect, says, “Without love she reacts without respect. Without respect he reacts without love.” If neither husband nor wife is mature and calm enough to recognize this cycle and to step off in order to slow it down, it will only strengthen and keep on spinning.
Unfortunately, many couples when in conflict do not recognize that they have stepped onto the Crazy Cycle and nothing begins to simmer down until one of them, typically the husband, storms off and withdraws from the fight, with the attitude to simply “live to fight another day.”
Others are not blind to the fact that there is a real conflict going on that needs to be worked through, but to them it is not so much a Crazy Cycle, where they see how each of them is fueling the other, but in their eyes it is more of a Crazy Train, as in they don’t understand why their spouse is coming at them like a runaway train. They do not see how they have been contributing to the conflict; they only see their spouse’s negative reactions and blame them for it all.
For example, a wife who is upset about something that has angered her, such as a comment her co-worker made to her, might come home in a bad mood and lash out at her husband in a disrespectful way. This may cause her husband to react in a way that feels unloving to her. It is here that some wives disregard how they appeared to their husband in the first place and fixate only on the husband’s unloving reaction.