God’s Simple Revelation to Stop the Crazy Cycle

This article is part 3 of 6 in the “What’s Really Going on Here?” Series. Over the span of six articles, I want us to take a look at twelve different stories and begin to ask ourselves, what is really going on in this story? Is the husband overlooking his wife’s need for love? Is the wife overlooking her husband’s need for respect? How can they ever get off of the Crazy Cycle?

The Word: Is God’s simple revelation on Love and Respect given to stop the Crazy Cycle?

God's Simple Revelation to Stop the Crazy Cycle

Jesus said, “It is written, ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God” (Matt. 4:4). To Jesus, God is there. He is not silent. God has spoken. To Jesus, there is a divine revelation from a personal God. This word is out of the mouth of God. God’s Word spiritually sustains us like bread physically sustains us. So, to Jesus, when we see what God has written and hear what God has spoken, we can be helped and healed. Sadly, some rejected what Scripture revealed and were not helped and healed.

Have You Seen These Crazy Cycles Between Managers and Employees? — Love and Respect Podcast Ep. 115

Men and women need love and respect as human beings in the workplace. Though there are daily demands to fulfill the mission of the organization apart from these emotional attitudes toward each other, that company will perform well when the men and women get on what I call the Crazy Cycle. Without love (care) a woman reacts without respect and without respect a man reacts without love (care). But added to this craziness is the tension between managers and employees. When employees feel unloved (uncared for) they react in ways that feel disrespectful to managers and when managers feel disrespected they react in ways that feel unloving (uncaring) to employees. Join Emerson and Jonathan this week as they discuss this new topic.

Listen to the podcast HERE. Access it on iTunes HERE, on Stitcher HERE, and on the Love and Respect App HERE.

Have you Seen These Crazy Cycles Between Managers and Employees?

Can Apparent Lack of Love and Respect Offend?

This article is part 2 of 6 in the “What’s Really Going on Here?” Series. Over the span of six articles, I want us to take a look at twelve different stories and begin to ask ourselves, what is really going on in this story? Is the husband overlooking his wife’s need for love? Is the wife overlooking her husband’s need for respect? How can they ever get off of the Crazy Cycle?

The Word: Can the apparent lack of love or respect offend?

  Jesus said, “Therefore if you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering” (Matt. 5:23–24).

  When he said “your brother has something against you” that can mean one of two things. You in fact offended this person. Or, in this person’s mind you offended them. Either way, Jesus is saying with a “brother,” an intimate, you are to recognize what is happening and take the appropriate steps to remedy the conflict. In fact, this is so important this must be done before worshiping God. In other words, God is bothered when unresolved conflict exists between intimates. Horizontal harmony effects vertical veneration.

  A husband may not in fact be unloving, but if his wife feels unloved and offended, a husband is to recognize this and take steps to remedy the conflict.

  A wife may not in fact be disrespectful, but if her husband feels disrespected and offended, a wife is to recognize this and take steps to remedy the conflict.

She Needs Love, He Needs Respect

She Needs Love, He Needs Respect

I heard of a businessman who went to Toronto. That night at the hotel, he talked to the clerk, who liked riddles. The clerk said, “My mother and father had a baby. And it wasn’t my brother and it wasn’t my sister. Who was it?” The businessman said, “I don’t know. Who?” The clerk said, “It was me.” The guy said, “Yeah, okay.”

So the businessman goes home to Michigan. He says to his friend, “Hey, I got a riddle for you. My mother and father had a baby. And it wasn’t my brother and it wasn’t my sister. Who was it?” His friend said, “I don’t know. Who was it?” The businessman says, “It was a clerk in Toronto!”

I just laugh at this. He misses the whole point. Have you ever been in a situation where you just completely missed the point?

A husband’s focus on respect can overlook his wife’s focus on love. In fact, a husband can so focus on being disrespected that he misses the point about why his wife is reacting this way. She feels unloved!

A wife’s focus on love can overlook her husband’s focus on respect. In fact, a wife can so focus on being unloved that she misses the point about why her husband is reacting this way. He feels disrespected!

Over the span of six articles, I want us to take a look at twelve different stories and begin to ask ourselves, what is really going on in this story? Is the husband overlooking his wife’s need for love? Is the wife overlooking her husband’s need for respect? How can they ever get off of the Crazy Cycle?

She Needs Love, He Needs Respect

The Word: She needs love and he needs respect.

Ephesians 5:33—“Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself; and the wife must see to it that she respect her husband.”

In Business, What’s Love and Respect Got to Do With It? — Love and Respect Podcast Ep. 114

There are two elements that are foundational to the long-term success of an organization. As odd as this may sound, they are love and respect. Said negatively and drastically, if there is hostility and contempt, the organization cannot continue to succeed if it has succeeded, at least not significantly. Put it this way, good people leave and customers sense something is wrong. Join Emerson and Jonathan as they discuss this topic of business, which does apply to other environments such as teacher and student, coach and player, etc.

Listen to the podcast HERE. Access it on iTunes HERE, on Stitcher HERE, and on the Love and Respect App HERE.

In Business, Whats Love and Respect Got to Do With It?

Why Do I Rebel Against the Rules of Femininity or Masculinity?

I can’t stand rules like being told to be kind, loving, and respectful. I’ll be anyway I wish to be!

Some rules are more like realities. They are the fixed facts of life that govern the essentials of living. They are immutable. Rebel against them and look like the village idiot. For example, we can rebel against the command of nature to eat, drink, and breathe, but why? Worse than looking like an idiot, we’d simply die.

Why Do I Rebel Against The Rules of Femininity and Masculinity?

Why Confess Our Unloving and Disrespectful Comments? — Love and Respect Podcast Ep. 113

Why confess our unloving and disrespectful comments? If the roles were reversed, we’d expect another to confess to us. If another was mean to us, blamed us for their unkind reactions, made light of their unkindness since they meant no harm, and justified or denied their personal unresolved issues contributing to their hostilities and contempt toward us, we’d be up in arms. We’d be saying, “Wow, can’t you at least humbly apologize for your part?” Join Emerson and Jonathan this week for this important topic.

Listen to the podcast HERE. Access it on iTunes HERE, on Stitcher HERE, and on the Love and Respect App HERE.

Why Confess our Unloving and Disrespectful Comments?

You Are Not Predestined to Argue the Same Way Your Parents Did

A teenage boy was feeling sorry for himself, feeling as though his mother didn’t love him. He said to her, “If you don’t love me, why’d you have me?” The mother shot back, “Well, we didn’t know it was going to be you.”

All of us came into this world by way of two parents. There are no exceptions to this. Regardless, there are no perfect parents. In fact, there was once a convention held for adult children of normal parents. No one attended.

Because we have imperfect parents, not only do we have to deal with their issues but we also inherit many of them. Not a few families deal with their issues by yelling and screaming at each other, and then they feel better for a while until the next altercation. Or, some shut down and seethe in anger until it works out of their system, but they avoid ever talking about the conflict.

You Are Not Predestined to Argue the Same Way Your Parents Did

Whether we are talking about an outburst of anger or a total shutdown, this is not the kind, loving, and respectful way of resolving serious tensions. Unfortunately, as adults this way of dealing with conflicts and stresses in our family of origin spills over into everyday living at school, work, the YMCA, church, or wherever.

Why We Should Confess Our Unloving and Disrespectful Comments

If the roles were reversed, we’d expect another to confess to us.

If another was mean to us, blamed us for their unkind reactions, made light of their unkindnesses since they meant no harm, and justified or denied their personal unresolved issues contributing to their hostilities and contempt toward us, we’d be up in arms. We’d be saying, “Wow, can’t you at least humbly apologize for your part?”

We need to apply the same medicine to ourselves that we recommend to others.

When we have been intentionally mean-spirited, or we have falsely blamed others that our unkindness is their issue not ours, or we have been unintentionally insensitive and unaware of our unkindnesses but rude nonetheless, or have been hostile and contemptuous due to unresolved personal issues, we need to confess.

Why We Should Confess Our Unloving and Disrespectful Comments

Why Do I Rebel Against Being Kind, Loving, and Respectful? — Love and Respect Podcast Ep. 112

Some of us declare, “It’s my life. I make the rules. Keep your nose out of my affairs.” At one level such independence is commendable and noble. But what occurs when you say to another, “If I wish to communicate what is untrue, unkind, unnecessary, and unclear to you, I will, and it’s none of your business”? No one responds to a person like that. But what if certain rules and principles are sacred? Join Emerson and Jonathan this week as they talk about the kindness rule and how inviting it can be in marriage and life.

Listen to the podcast HERE. Access it on iTunes HERE, on Stitcher HERE, and on the Love and Respect App HERE.

Episode 112 - Why Do I Rebel Against Being Kind, Loving, and Respectful

What To Do When Your Husband Is Having an Affair, Part 2

In part 1, we shared 1 Peter 3:1–2 and Peter’s command to a wife to remain respectful to her disobedient husband. The first major reason to do this is because by doing so they will find favor in the eyes of God.

But there is a second major reason to put on unconditional respect. In doing so, a wife imitates Jesus Christ.

As a wife stops her disrespectful behavior and starts respectful behavior, she is following the example of Jesus who entrusted Himself to God who judges the wrongdoing of others.

We read in 1 Peter 2:21–23, “For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps, who committed no sin, nor was any deceit found in his mouth; and while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously.”

Why do I suggest that this applies to wives? Peter continues in 1 Peter 3:1 with,”In the same way, you wives . . .” The same way as what? The same way Jesus dealt with people who failed to be good, gentle, and reasonable. He did not revile and threaten when He would have been fully justified in so doing.

What To Do When Your Husband Is Having an Affair

A woman wrote to me:

“My husband has expressed that he does not love me and now is involved with another woman. I have read your book and have applied many things concerning this respect message. For instance, my husband even saved the ‘respect’ letters that I wrote to him. Any suggestions on how long I keep saying this or what else I can do to help him realize that our marriage is worth saving? Right now with him it seems to be hot one day and cold the next. Please help.”

What To Do When Your Husband Is Having an Affair

When I replied to her I said, “He is in sin. He is offending God and you. There is no question about this. Your husband is disobedient.” This she no doubt knew already and had probably already been told by well-meaning friends and family. But then I took my response to another degree, something every wife in a similar situation needs to know: I assured her that respect will continue to work with a husband who has done what her husband has done.

Peter wrote to wives in exactly this woman’s situation: “In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior” (1 Peter 3:1–2).