This series was also posted as a podcast. Don’t miss last week’s series, “Why do Good Willed Wives Feel Frustrated?“
Take a moment to read this letter a husband wrote me:
My son turned sixteen a few weeks ago. He has had some driving practice and experience, but not enough to [my wife’s] liking. The state has granted him a license, as he passed all the tests. I said [to my wife], “Let’s let our son drive to school himself. He’s responsible, and while he’s still learning, he’ll be safe.” That lit off an explosion of disrespect toward me. I wasn’t being “safe enough” (protecting) in my decision. I assured her I got her input, but that really, he’s ready.
She shot back, “No, I’m the mom, and I’ll make these decisions. He can drive himself in November, maybe.” Meanwhile, this was killing my son emotionally. He needed a blessing and a high-five, not a giant vote of no-confidence. I doubled down, “[Honey], I love you, but you need to let me lead here and make this decision. I believe God has given me that authority . . .”
The answer was still no, that I was a bad driver myself, and that nobody respects how I drive, and why would I be the one to make that decision . . . it was very bad.
Whenever I have tried to point out the disrespect, she disagrees. I feel like in football, “throwing a penalty flag.” I’m trying to lovingly communicate to her, “There are some basic biblical ground rules here, and you just crossed it, and I don’t like it at all . . .” And her answer is, “I didn’t do anything wrong. You . . . [weren’t safe, weren’t smart, didn’t make a good decision, used poor judgment, etc.].” She is saying, in essence, “You deserved it. I feel unloved, and I’m letting you know . . . A godly husband would see the wisdom in my thinking . . .”