The Ballad of Pink and Blue

Over a ten-year period Fritz Ridenour was my editor. He soon became a family friend. Because of that he penned a poem for the wedding of Joy Eggerichs and Matt Reed. Those of you who know the love and respect message and all of our tag lines will appreciate his brilliance.

The Ballad of Pink and Blue

THE BALLAD OF PINK AND BLUE

Just for Joy and Matt

Yes…Pink and Blue

The two of you

Soon to discover

How different your lover

Why Are Believers Mad At God? Part 2 — Love and Respect Podcast Ep. 098

Join Emerson and Jonathan in Part 2 of this series as they examine four reasons someone might hate or be mad at God: Cursing when suffering, Hostile when disobeying, Hating when proven guilty, Raging when foolish. Does the Bible teach that people who claim to believe in God can hate God? Jesus said, “He who hates Me hates My Father also” (John 15:23). So according to Jesus, yes, people can hate God the Father. And for those of us who believe Jesus is God’s Son, people can hate the Son of God. The apostle Paul tells us that there will be “haters of God” (Romans 1:30). People who believe in God can hate God. You cannot hate someone you do not believe exists.

Listen to the podcast HERE. Access it on iTunes HERE, on Stitcher HERE, and on the Love and Respect App HERE.

Read the transcript HERE.

Don’t forget to enter the Podcast 100 Giveaway!

Episode 098 - Why Are Believers Mad At God - Part 2

What if Love and Respect Do Not Work with My Spouse? Part 2

In part 1, we discussed Job and his disrespectful wife and how he was able to love her “as to the Lord,” despite her being a conduit for the devil. Now let’s turn to a biblical example of an unloving husband with a wife who found a way to still respect him.

What if Love and Respect Do Not Work with My Spouse?

What about the Respectful Wife?

What about the wife living with a man who turns everybody off?

We find such a husband and wife in 1 Samuel 25:3: “Now the man’s name was Nabal, and his wife’s name was Abigail. And the woman was intelligent and beautiful in appearance, but the man was harsh and evil in his dealings.”

What if Love and Respect Do Not Work with My Spouse? Part 1

Some people live in fear that as they seek to apply the Love and Respect message their spouse will not respond in like manner. When that happens, their fears are confirmed and they ask, “What do I do now?”

What if Love and Respect Do Not Work with My Spouse?

Respectful Yet Unloved / Loving Yet Dissed

Based on Ephesians 5:33 a wife puts on respect in obedience to God’s command with the hope that her husband will act on his part of the verse where God commands him to love her. She works hard at respecting his work efforts, his sense of responsibility to protect and provide, his personal strength and decision-making, his shoulder-to-shoulder friendship without talking, and his sexuality, yet he does not reciprocate with the love she needs.

Why Are Believers Mad At God? Part I — Love and Respect Podcast Ep. 097

Does the Bible teach that people who claim to believe in God can hate God? Jesus said, “He who hates Me hates My Father also” (John 15:23). So according to Jesus, yes, people can hate God the Father. And for those of us who believe Jesus is God’s Son, people can hate the Son of God. The apostle Paul tells us that there will be “haters of God” (Romans 1:30). People who believe in God can hate God. You cannot hate someone you do not believe exists. Join Emerson and Jonathan over the next two episodes as they examine four reasons someone might hate God: Cursing when suffering, Hostile when disobeying, Hating when proven guilty, Raging when foolish.

Listen to the podcast HERE. Access it on iTunes HERE, on Stitcher HERE, and on the Love and Respect App HERE.

Read the transcript HERE.

Episode 097 - Why Are Believers Mad At God- Part 1

Why Do Goodwilled Husbands Feel Frustrated? Part 3

This series was also posted as a podcast. Don’t miss last week’s series, “Why do Good Willed Wives Feel Frustrated?

In part 1 and part 2, we introduced a mom and dad who had strongly different opinions on whether or not their son was ready to drive. We also discussed the inconsistencies found in the good willed and loving mom’s argument that the husband is having trouble getting past. In this last part, let’s get down to exactly what mom and dad are truly feeling and how they can best get through this in a loving and respectful way.

Why Do Good Willed Husbands Feel Frustrated?

What Does a Wife Feel? Her Rationalization

Is the wife insensitive to the husband and son? No. She battles within herself. She knows that she needs to let her son fly on his own. She knows her fear can be excessive if not irrational. She struggles within herself big time.

Even so, she defaults to the idiom: better safe than sorry. Though putting her foot down is killing her son emotionally, she rationalizes this by saying to herself, “I’d rather kill him emotionally than literally kill him.”

Her husband’s position takes back seat to minimizing the risk by denying the boy the privilege of driving to school. He could either kill or be killed. He could injure or be injured. Case closed. “Safety first.”

Why Do Good Willed Husbands Feel Frustrated? Part 2

This series was also posted as a podcast. Don’t miss last week’s series, “Why do Good Willed Wives Feel Frustrated?

In part 1, I shared a letter I received from a husband who found himself disrespected when he held a different opinion than his wife about whether or not their son was ready to begin driving. Here in part 2 we will discuss in detail the inconsistencies in mom’s insistence in her husband acquiescing to her strong feelings in the matter.

Does the irony of the conflict escape her notice? Does it escape yours?

Why Do Good Willed Husbands Feel Frustrated?

Inconsistency #1: In her opinion, her husband cannot justify making the decision as the father, whereas she can justify making the decision as the mother. Maternalism has the rights and authority; paternalism does not have the rights or authority. In fact, on issues of safety toward the kids, she has the final authority about who has the final authority. Were he to make this claim, she’d find him patriarchal and thereby abusive. Many women can win the argument every time on this front. Bottom line, he should only exercise authority when she agrees; otherwise he is patriarchal.

Why Do Goodwilled Husbands Feel Frustrated? Part 1

This series was also posted as a podcast. Don’t miss last week’s series, “Why do Good Willed Wives Feel Frustrated?

Why Do Good Willed Husbands Feel Frustrated?

Take a moment to read this letter a husband wrote me:

My son turned sixteen a few weeks ago. He has had some driving practice and experience, but not enough to [my wife’s] liking. The state has granted him a license, as he passed all the tests. I said [to my wife], “Let’s let our son drive to school himself. He’s responsible, and while he’s still learning, he’ll be safe.” That lit off an explosion of disrespect toward me. I wasn’t being “safe enough” (protecting) in my decision. I assured her I got her input, but that really, he’s ready.

She shot back, “No, I’m the mom, and I’ll make these decisions. He can drive himself in November, maybe.” Meanwhile, this was killing my son emotionally. He needed a blessing and a high-five, not a giant vote of no-confidence. I doubled down, “[Honey], I love you, but you need to let me lead here and make this decision. I believe God has given me that authority . . .”

The answer was still no, that I was a bad driver myself, and that nobody respects how I drive, and why would I be the one to make that decision . . . it was very bad.

Whenever I have tried to point out the disrespect, she disagrees. I feel like in football, “throwing a penalty flag.” I’m trying to lovingly communicate to her, “There are some basic biblical ground rules here, and you just crossed it, and I don’t like it at all . . .” And her answer is, “I didn’t do anything wrong. You . . . [weren’t safe, weren’t smart, didn’t make a good decision, used poor judgment, etc.].” She is saying, in essence, “You deserved it. I feel unloved, and I’m letting you know . . . A godly husband would see the wisdom in my thinking . . .”

Do You Feel Judged as Stupid or Wrong, Which Leaves You Feeling Unloved and Disrespected? — Love and Respect Podcast Ep. 096

We can feel stupid and wrong in our marriage. When we feel stupid and wrong in the marriage, we can draw conclusions about ourselves that are untrue in the eyes of God and react in ways that won’t remedy the pain, such as believing the lie (s) about ourselves or considering divorce. Our spouse will affect us emotionally but negative words cannot determine who God made us to be. We can begin to realize inner wisdom and the rightness about how we are living, even if a spouse refuses to acknowledge it. Join Emerson and Jonathan this week as they discuss this topic.

Listen to the podcast HERE. Access it on iTunes HERE, on Stitcher HERE, and on the Love and Respect App HERE.

Read the transcript HERE.

Episode 096 - Do You Feel Judged as Stupid or Wrong, Which Leaves You Feeling Unloved and Disrespected

Why Do Good Willed Wives Feel Frustrated? Part 3

This series was also posted as a podcast. Stay tuned for next week, when we will answer the question “Why do good husbands feel frustrated?”

In part 1 of this series, we introduced the idea of the despotic husband who recognizes that his vulnerable and sensitive wife typically acquiesces to his bully tactics. In part 2, we put a name to those tactics.

Today, we will appeal to the husband to evaluate himself as a man of honor and cease his bullying tactics. And if the marriage is experiencing stability, due to his ceasing such tactics, I want the man of honor to invite his wife’s assessment of his successful changes. If the relationship is not stable, I do not recommend the two of you doing this alone but turn to a Christian counselor for guidance as you step through these matters. Remember, though, this pursuit is worthy in being the man of honor God calls you to be.

Why do Good Willed Wives Feel Frustrated?

An Appeal to the Honorable Man Following Christ

As an honorable man may I ask you this question: Do you see your fear of her disrespect outwitting you to react in unloving ways in disobedience to Ephesians 5:33 where God commands the husband to love his wife regardless of his wife’s behavior?

May I invite you as a husband to consider the following questions? These can help you act with more honor once you realize that though the fear of her disrespect was real, it did not mandate that you become an unloving man who bullies his wife.

Why Do Good Willed Wives Feel Frustrated? Part 2

This series was also posted as a podcast. Stay tuned for next week, when we will answer the question “Why do good husbands feel frustrated?”

In part 1, we introduced the idea of the despotic husband who recognizes that his vulnerable and sensitive wife typically acquiesces to his bully tactics. But now we want to put a name to these tactics of his in hopes that he will recognize the bully in him and that this is not how a loving husband triggers respectful feelings in his wife.

Why do Good Willed Wives Feel Frustrated?

1. The Self-Justifying Blamer

The first sin Adam committed in the Garden of Eden, after he and Eve ate the forbidden fruit, was to blame God and Eve, and in so doing justify himself. We read in Genesis 3:12, “The man said, ‘The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me from the tree, and I ate.'”

Wow! Adam only knew two beings at this time and blamed both of them for what he did—in one sentence!

A husband must recognize the sin nature’s proclivity to vindicate self and assign fault to the other. As gravity causes water to run downhill, not uphill, our sinful nature pulls us downward into the mud of self-defense and blame-placing. The sinful thoughts go there first. It is quick and easy to do. Without much effort, a husband effortlessly imagines retorts that get himself off the hook and put her on the hook.

Why do Good Willed Wives Feel Frustrated? Part 1

This series was also posted as a podcast. Stay tuned for next week, when we will answer the question “Why do good husbands feel frustrated?”

There are many things that hurt and frustrate wives, but one complaint I get often is: “I must stuff my feelings, keep my mouth shut, and do as my husband says.”

A wife wrote, “My husband and I attended your seminar. . . . We both got a lot out of it but my husband seems to have heard something else different than me. He thinks that you said that as head of the household he calls the shots. He says that if I don’t obey his ‘requests’ our relationship will pay the cost. Basically, I must do as he says in everything. Things have been really bad since the seminar. He feels I don’t respect him when I don’t do as I’m told by him.”

Why do Good Willed Wives Feel Frustrated?

Her Overreaction

Is she overreacting?

Maybe not this wife, but some do.

A wife can feel oppressed by a man she believes is bullying her, when in fact he is not. She exaggerates. She grabs the most negative sound bite from a longer, caring conversation. Latching on to a sentence, she ignores the chapter. She misrepresents his pervasive and loving feelings.

For example, a husband exclaims, “Oh, by the way, I don’t want you to drive on the ice tonight and that’s final. I told my mom the same thing about her not driving to church this evening.”

What Did You Do To Come Through Your Marital Crisis? — Love and Respect Podcast Ep. 095

Are you in or have you come through a marital crisis? You could be the innocent victim with a wounded heart who experienced shock or the remorseful offender with a contrite heart who experienced shame. There could have been any number of reasons for the crisis. Typically, though, a crisis falls under one or more of what Emerson refers to as the six A’s: adultery, abandonment, abuse, addiction, adversity, and apathy. Your situation may involve something outside of those, but join Emerson and Jonathan this week as they discuss this topic and email Emerson regarding how you are making it through or made it through the crisis at story@loveandrespect.com, including if you are listening to this months or years after it was posted. There is an attached document in the show notes available for download to guide your thinking and email.

Listen to the podcast HERE. Access it on iTunes HERE, on Stitcher HERE, and on the Love and Respect App HERE.

Get the Email Crisis Guide HERE.

Episode 095 - What Did You Do To Come Through Your Marital Crisis

Can Silence From a Mom Cause a Son to Speak?

I asked our son David on the first day of 5th grade, “So how was your day?”

“Good.”

“Anything exciting happen?”

“No.”

“What did you do?”

“Nothing.”

Second Day: “So David how was your day?”

“Good.”

“Anything exciting happen?”

“No.”

“What did you do?”

“Nothing.”

Can Silence From a Mom Cause a Son to Speak?

And so the conversation continued like this for the rest of the week until Friday when he said, “Mom, it’s the same everyday. If anything changes, I’ll let you know!”

What Did You Do to Come Through Your Marital Crisis?

Have you come through a marital crisis? I’d love to hear your story. You could be the innocent victim with a wounded heart who experienced shock or the remorseful offender with a contrite heart who experienced shame.

But before you e-mail me at story@loveandrespect.com, perhaps you could answer some questions that would spark your memory.

What Did You Do to Come Through Your Marital Crisis?

The Six A’s

Let me say upfront that there could have been any number of reasons for the crisis. Typically, though, a crisis falls under one or more of what I refer to as the six A’s: adultery, abandonment, abuse, addiction, apathy, or adversity. Does your situation involve something outside of these six attempted assassins of marriage?

Whatever the crisis may have been, what I do know is that the survival of your marriage was on the line.