3 Goals in Dating That Lead to a Successful Marriage — Love and Respect Podcast Ep. 085

This three part series is perfect for anyone who is dating or unmarried, but also for anyone who knows someone that is. Additionally, do you have children or plan on having children? This can help you in your conversations with them about marriage. In thinking about his own daughter’s upcoming marriage Emerson composed his thoughts on preparing for marriage, which includes being a mature person, looking for a mature person, and being motivated by Christ’s mission as a couple.

Listen to the podcast HERE. Access it on iTunes HERE and on Stitcher HERE.

Read the transcript HERE.

Episode 085 - 3 Goals in Dating That Lead to a Successful Marriage

We Easily See What is Done To Us Before We See What We Are Doing To Our Mate

The Crazy Cycle says, Without Love She Reacts Without Respect and Without Respect He Reacts Without Love.

Almost every time Sarah and I teach our seminar about the Love and Respect Connection, people tell us, “Why, of course; this is so obvious.”

We Easily See What is Done To Us Before We See What We Are Doing To Our Mate

And then either the husband or the wife adds, “But why doesn’t my spouse get it?” Whether it’s a husband or a wife who “doesn’t get it,” the answer is the same: we often don’t see the obvious.

Every Son Needs This One Thing

As I’ve explored the dynamic of healthy family relationships over the past two decades, one thing has become abundantly clear: a boy needs his mother’s respect.

Not only her love, but also her respect.

Every Son Needs This One Thing

Sarah, my wife, has said for many years,“If I had known this information when my sons were little (they are now in their thirties), I would have been a better mother.”

This does not mean Sarah’s love was insignificant. Mother-love is vital. In fact, mother-love is the epitome of altruism.

God Joined You Together – What Does This Mean? — Love and Respect Podcast Ep. 084

Does God intend to direct our steps to one and only one person that He designed from eternity past to be our soul-mate? Join Emerson and Jonathan this week as they discuss the topic of a soul-mate. Whether you are a person looking to get married or have been married for many years but think you married the wrong person, this episode will provide insight.

Listen to the podcast HERE. Access it on iTunes HERE and on Stitcher HERE.

Read the transcript HERE.

Episode 084 - God Joined you together - What Does This Mean

How Should I Deal With My Wife’s Negative, Disrespectful Reactions?

A husband wrote, “My wife and I have been married for almost two years. . . . Our disagreements are centered on her emotional outbursts and my lack of emotion. I love my wife . . . and consider myself emotional about (her), however I try to not allow emotion to control me. I believe love is expressed with actions and not with reaction. Emotion and reaction are closely related as are self-control and action. . . .

I do love the emotion my wife has and I know God has us together to love and respect each other as we seek to glorify him, but I struggle when my wife justifies some behavior as her uncontrollable emotional reaction.

I am not looking for something to condemn her with, instead I would like your viewpoint on how one best handles this type of ongoing disagreement.

How Should I Deal With My Wife’s Negative, Disrespectful Reactions?

The remainder of this article shares how I replied to him:

Thank you for the honest and humble assessment of what you are feeling. You need to attend the Love and Respect Conference because there I address this issue of “reaction” as a major component.

Nonetheless, let me share some concepts and principles with you based on Ephesians 5:33, which states, “Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respect her husband.”

After an Affair, Is Ongoing Contact with the Other Person Okay?

Emerson,

Several months ago, my wife and I had separated. She was involved with someone and had told me it was over, she didn’t love me. After a month apart, we were able to get back together. She told him she loved me and that we were going to make our marriage work. The person she became involved with was a co-worker from a job she no longer has, but he has contacted her from time to time for talks.

When I confronted her about the fact that I felt it was not good for her to have any contact with him, she told me I had to trust her or our marriage will not work. I believe her in that and am trusting her. He has been talking to her about a problem he is having over a custody battle and says he has no one else to confide in.

I really am trying to forgive him, I know I have to. I don’t think I will ever be able to trust him. I told her that I do trust her, but I cannot trust him. She has been letting him confide in her and she is willing to share the conversations with me if I want. I told her I didn’t want to know his personal life but if there was something he talked about and she needed a different perspective, I would listen and offer any advice I could give to try to help. I know I have to forgive him and if this would help me to give some little piece of godly advice that might light a spark for him to receive Christ, I want to do it. Any ideas???

A.

After an Affair, Is Ongoing Contact with the Other Person Okay?

What is the Issue When the Issue Isn’t the Issue? — Love and Respect Podcast Ep. 083

Drawing upon principles of the Crazy Cycle Emerson responds separately to a wife and to a husband about two different issues.  He helps them understand that they need to approach their spouse with love and respect, which is an issue, while still addressing the topic at hand. This episode will help listeners discern what really is the issue when an issue is being discussed.

Listen to the podcast HERE. Access it on iTunes HERE and on Stitcher HERE.

Episode 083 - What is the Issue When the Issue Isn’t the Issue

On Valentine’s Day: The Disappointed and Sad Person

Valentine’s Day is a favorite holiday of many, providing wonderful opportunities for couples to express their undying love and commitment to each other through either big or small ways, which oftentimes include chocolates and roses.

Unfortunately, Valentine’s Day can also be a day when those same love birds can become more selfish toward each other than they are any other time of the year. Allow me to explain.

On Valentine's Day-The Disappointed and Sad Person

Your Marriage Isn’t Complex to Figure Out. Let Me Tell You Why.

Sarah and I have done Love and Respect Marriage Conferences since 1999. At these conferences we teach that love and respect are the two basic ingredients for a successful marriage. I wrote the book Love and Respect to explain the power and simplicity of this truth.

However, we teach that wives lean toward the love side of the equation and husbands lean toward the respect side. This is based on Ephesians 5:33, which says, “Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.”

Is Your Wife Really Trying To Be Negative and Disrespectful?

A husband wrote, “My wife and I have been married for almost two years. . . . Our disagreements are centered on her emotional outbursts and my lack of emotion. . . .  I do love the emotion my wife has and I know God has us together to love and respect each other as we seek to glorify him, but I struggle when my wife justifies some behavior as her uncontrollable emotional reaction. I am not looking for something to condemn her with, instead I would like your viewpoint on how one best handles this type of ongoing disagreement.” Emerson responds in this week’s episode.

Listen to the podcast HERE. Access it on iTunes HERE and on Stitcher HERE.

View the transcript HERE.

Episode 082 - Is Your Wife Really Trying To Be Negative and Disrespectful

1998 February 4th: One of My First Email Exchanges With a Wife About Respect

Sarah, my wife, had started a MOPS group at our church. This refers to Mothers of PreSchoolers! The leadership invited me to speak two times to the group about what I had announced at the church were some discoveries I had made about marriage.

In 1998 my discovery revolved around wives respecting their husbands. With most that flew like a lead balloon.  I had no ideas about the land-mines I would step on. For instance, I did not finish in two sessions so offered to return for a third session.

However, the leadership and group voted that I not return. Instead, they invited a female friend of mine, who had attended the two sessions, to talk on this topic, “How to Love Your Husband.”

1998 February 4th- One of My First Email Exchanges With a Wife About Respect

This gal wrote me a letter and said that they had completely missed what I was saying: The best way to love your husband is to meet his need for respect.

What Evil Looks Like

A husband writes,

“I am sure, like most authors and conference promoters, you are going to present your success stories and downplay (if you present them at all) the failures. However, I would like to hear from some who have tried and failed at your approach.  

Maybe we can learn as much from them as the successes. What I feel concerns me the most so far is reading the repeated (and oft repeated) assumption that “your spouse is a person of basic good will”.

I personally feel this is at best a drastic assumption, with drastic consequences if it is wrong. I may be paranoid, but just because I’m paranoid does not mean she is NOT out to get me.

-RB

What Evil Looks Like

My response to him is below.

Dear RB,

Thanks for your question and for expressing your concerns.  First of all, yes, of course we receive emails from people who have failed at this approach.  This “approach” however, is based on the word of God in Ephesians 5:33.  If we are Christ followers (you don’t say if you are, so I say “IF”), we have a decision to make about whether we will do marriage God’s way or not. Love & Respect Ministries is about helping those who want to do marriage God’s way, in obedience to His Word.

After An Affair Is Ongoing Contact With the Other Person Ok? — Love and Respect Podcast Ep. 081

Over the years Emerson has received hundred of emails regarding affairs, often from the betrayed spouse asking what they should do. Both Emerson and Jonathan have also listened to countless stories of infidelity as they counsel individuals and couples.  Join them this week as they explore a response Emerson wrote to a man who wondered if he was handling things correctly following an affair. This message is applicable for husband and wife, both the betrayed and the betrayer.

Listen to the podcast HERE. Access it on iTunes HERE and on Stitcher HERE.

Episode 081 - After An Affair Is Ongoing Contact With the Other Person Ok