Losing Makes Us a Winner! The Resolution: Lose the Weight in 2016!

From third grade to eighth grade I was overweight. I wore Husky pants. My legs rubbed together when I ran. My belly hung over the front of my pants. Sometimes people called me “fatty.”

I cried.

I empathize deeply with people who struggle with their weight.

I chatted last night with a good friend who told me that when she was in the fifth grade, she weighed 240 pounds, and in college over 300 pounds. My heart felt nothing but compassion.

Losing Makes Us a Winner! The Resolution- Lose the Weight in 2016!

THE FAMILY OF ORIGIN

Both of us knew that our family of origin contributed to this struggle with obesity. In her case, she was subjected to satanic ritualistic abuse because of her parents. The trauma was such that eating was the one thing that soothed her and made her happy.

For me, I was in the third grade when my mom and dad got back together after five years of separation. From that year through eighth grade, I overate and put on way too much fat. They did not get along and it took its toll on me. It weighed me down (pun intended).

The Number One Problem In Marriage (And How To Fix It)

It’s communication, right?

As we study letters and emails from thousands of spouses, the common thread that runs through almost all of them is that, in one way or another, the number one problem in marriage is communication …or the lack thereof!

I disagree.

The Number One Problem In Marriage (And How To Fix It)

It would be easy to deduce that communication is the key to marriage, but I don’t agree. To say that communication is the key to marriage is to assume that both spouses speak the same language.

We speak different languages.

After more than three decades of pastoring, counseling married couples, and conducting marriage conferences, I have learned that the wife speaks a “love language” and the husband speaks a “respect language.” They don’t realize this, of course, but because he is speaking one kind of language (respect) and she is speaking another (love), there is little or no understanding and little or no communication.

Three Reasons Some Do Not Have a Filter On Their Words — Love and Respect Podcast Ep. 076

Some of us need a filter on our speech when we communicate. When we lack a filter we undermine our effectiveness in communicating with people. With whom we communicate falls into three groups: family and friends, coworkers and neighbors, or acquaintances and strangers. This filter consists of asking three questions before communicating: Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? Join Emerson and Jonathan this week as they discuss an important topic.

Listen to the podcast HERE. Access it on iTunes HERE and on Stitcher HERE.

Episode 076 - 3 Reasons Some Do Not Have a Filter On Their Words

What Else Might Linus Say to Charlie Brown About Christmas?

Distressed over the insincerity of many concerning Christmas, the cartoon character Charlie Brown asks in anguish, “Isn’t there anyone out there who can tell me what Christmas is all about?”

Charlie’s friend, Linus, while on stage, beautifully and brilliantly answers his question. “Sure, Charlie Brown, I can tell you. Lights, please.”

What Else Might Linus Say to Charlie Brown About Christmas?

With security blanket in hand the miniature theologian takes center stage and exclaims, “And there were in the same country shepherds, abiding in the fields, keeping watch over their flocks by night. And lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them, and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, ‘Fear not! For behold, I bring unto you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you this day is born in the City of David, a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; you shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes and lying in a manger.’ And suddenly there was with the angel, a multitude of the heavenly host, praising God, and saying, ‘Glory to God in the highest, and on Earth peace; good will toward men.’”

Are You Offended by an Inoffensive Person?

This blog post was also published as a podcast. Tune in HERE.

Though a person appears to be unloving and disrespectful, to the point where I even feel unloved and disrespected, could I have actually misinterpreted the appearance?

When I feel offended by another, does that mean the other person is automatically an offensive person, or could I feel offended by something that in fact is inoffensive?

Are You Offended By The Inoffensive Person?

This, of course, begs the question, why would any person in their right mind be offended by inoffensive actions? However, when I refer to “inoffensive actions,” I do not mean obviously positive actions such as gifting you with money. I am referring to actions from your spouse that on the surface could be labeled as “unloving and disrespectful” within the marriage.

Are You Offended By An Inoffensive Person? — Love and Respect Podcast Ep. 075

Though a person appears to be unloving and disrespectful, to the point where I even feel unloved and disrespected, could I have actually misinterpreted the appearance? When I feel offended by another, does that mean the other person is automatically an offensive person, or could I feel offended by something that in fact is inoffensive? Join Emerson and Jonathan this week as they discuss this topic.

Listen to the podcast HERE. Access it on iTunes HERE and on Stitcher HERE.

Episode 075 - Are You Offended by the Inoffensive?

How To Energize Your Marriage

Are you looking for some new ways to energize your marriage?

If you are on board with love and respect as the two essential ingredients in your marriage, you may still be asking how it works.

So let’s get practical.

How do we show love and respect in practical ways?

Following are several real-life examples that I hope will bring more clarity to how these principles play out practically.

How To Energize Your Marriage

He was crushing his wife’s spirit.

In Your Marriage, Do You Listen To Both Sides Of The Story?

How would you feel if someone took you to court and accused you of murdering another person but you were not allowed to verbally defend yourself or even have a lawyer? What if, after only hearing from the accuser, the jury convened and sentenced you to life in prison without parole? And here’s the kicker, what if you had an alibi proving there was no way you could have committed the murder and furthermore you had indisputable proof that your accuser was actually the murderer?

But you were never allowed to defend yourself.

If you had fallen victim to an inconceivable injustice such as this, you would be in absolute shock.

In Your Marriage, Do You Listen To Both Sides Of The Story-

What Happens When Hearing Only One Side?

Everyone knows that we must hear both sides in a court of law. Proverbs 18:17 explains why: “The first to plead his case seems right, until another comes and examines him.” It is a basic truth: when only one person tells their side of the story, it seems convincing. However, when another questions and even counters, a different picture emerges.

When We Address a Man’s Needs – Why Do Some Women Hijack the Discussion? — Love and Respect Podcast Ep. 074

Some feel that when we talk about what is true of most males we are implying this is untrue of women. When some ladies feel this way, they change the focus to the woman. Why? Join Emerson and Jonathan this week as they discuss a difficult topic following and expanding upon a recent blog.

WARNING: this may be difficult for some to hear and we aren’t talking about the volume.

Listen to the podcast HERE. Access it on iTunes HERE and on Stitcher HERE.

Episode 074 - When We Address a Mans Needs - Why Do Some Women Hijack the Discussion-

When We Address a Man’s Needs, Why Do Some Women Hijack the Discussion? Part 2

In part 1, we talked about the tendency some women have to hijack a conversation about men needing respect and making it all about their needs as women. These women are not mean-spirited but they take over the conversation and completely ignore the male’s need. Some recent Facebook interactions I had provide a great example of this.

When We Address a Man’s Needs, Why Do Some Women Hijack the Discussion?

Last week I posted three articles on Facebook. The first two challenged the husband (reaching together nearly 500,000 people). I titled them:

  – “Should a Husband Submit to His Wife?

  – “When a Husband Loves His Wife, Will She Respects Him?

Hijackers did not chime in and claim that I was being unfair to men! Rarely do the hijackers side with the men.

Then I posted the following, which ignited a firestorm:

When We Address a Man’s Needs, Why Do Some Women Hijack the Discussion? Part 1

If I say, “Men really like sports,” some women (a small but vocal percentage) retort, “I can’t believe you just said that! Women really like sports, and let me tell you why women like sports. In fact, you need to know about the sports women are playing, why affirmative action supports more women in sports, and why women would have been more interested in sports had this culture been fairer to women years earlier.”

When We Address a Man’s Needs, Why Do Some Women Hijack the Discussion-

In hearing these women express their thoughts, we quickly lose sight of the original statement, “Men really like sports.”

It is no longer about the man. It is about the woman.

What’s Wrong With Thinking Another Person Is Right? — Love and Respect Podcast Ep. 073

Do you believe one spouse’s report without ever hearing the other spouse tell their side of the story? Why?

Although a question about marriage, listen in as Emerson and Jonathan discuss this question and how the answer is applicable to all walks of life. How most know that we must hear both sides in a court of law, how the Bible teaches us why, and where we read in Proverbs 18:17 and other scriptures, “The first to plead his case seems right, until another comes and examines him.” It is a basic truth: when only one person tells their side of the story it seems convincing. However, when another questions and even counters, a different picture emerges.

Listen to the podcast HERE. Access it on iTunes HERE and on Stitcher HERE.

Read the transcript HERE.

Episode 073 - Whats Wrong With Thinking Another Person Is Right-

What To Do When Your Marriage Doesn’t Work

I hear often from discouraged husbands and wives who say their marriage simply does not work. They feel they have tried everything – even love and respect – and it didn’t work. They are ready to give up.

If this describes you, are you willing to try a new approach?

What To Do When Your Marriage Doesn't Work

But my spouse doesn’t respond!

What is your worst fear in marriage? Is it that you will do all you can to love and respect unconditionally but your spouse will not respond? If so, you are not alone in that fear. After all, it takes two, right? And if your spouse has already given up, there is nothing left to do.

Technically, that may be true. If one partner has determined in their heart that nothing…NOTHING…is going to change his/her mind and they are hell-bent on pursuing their own selfish ends, such a marriage might not be saved. People do betray, like Judas betrayed Jesus. That’s why adultery is so destructive. Infidelity betrays.

Should A Husband Submit To His Wife?

We don’t hear too much about submission anymore. And if we do, it’s usually a command to the wife, to submit to her husband. Still, this is considered a bit archaic in today’s modern culture.

Should A Husband Submit To His Wife?

Submit to one another.

But what does the Bible say? Before the section on marriage in Ephesians 5, we read in verse 21, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”

So should a husband submit to his wife? Yes. He submits to his wife’s need to feel loved. I take this position by combining God’s command in Ephesians 5:21 to mutually submit, with God’s command in Ephesians 5:25-31 to a husband to love his wife.

Juxtaposition, a wife submits to her husband’s need to feel respected. I take this position by combining God’s command in Ephesians 5:22-24 to a wife submitting to her husband, with God’s command in Ephesians 5:33 to a wife to respect her husband.

Submit during conflict…really?!