Does a Failing Marriage Hinder One From Having Godly Children?

A mother wrote, “My daughter called and was complaining about her life. I suggested that she needed to look to God for answers. She let me know that she has lost a lot of her faith because of how she has viewed [her dad’s and my] marriage relationship. . . . It grieves me to see how [our marriage] affects our daughters and their relationships because of what they have lived and learned.”

Does a Failing Marriage Hinder One From Having Godly Children

A husband shared with me: “I put awful pain in my wife’s heart and never realized what might have been at the core. My actions, my thoughts, and my behaviors are at the core of my problems. Your book, Love and Respect, has opened my eyes. Painfully, our children have suffered from our lack of love and respect.”

I have heard testimonies like this more times than I wish. Many add, “My children tell me that they want nothing to do with our faith. They don’t see it working.” Does the Bible reveal that a failing marriage can hinder one from having godly offspring?

Experiencing The Presence of God — Love and Respect Podcast Ep. 063

Emerson and Jonathan discuss how to experience the presence of God this week. As you draw near to God, you can experience God Himself. You can fully devote yourself to the Lord whether you are celibate and undistracted or married and distracted. The point is simply to draw near to God and begin to experience His awesome presence in your life. When you do, good things happen.

Listen to the podcast HERE. Access it on iTunes HERE and on Stitcher HERE.

Read the transcript HERE.

Episode 063 - Experiencing The Presence of God

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One Simple Way to Encourage A Discouraged Child

I entered military school at age 13. But in the first several weeks I became very homesick and wanted to quit.

My mom called the commandant for wisdom. Both knew homesickness was common but mom didn’t know what to say.

Colonel Bailey said he’d personally meet with me to encourage me.

How did he encourage me? He told me I was normal and this would soon pass.

One Way To Encourage A Discouraged Child

With young people you don’t have to be profound when encouraging them. Often, they just need to be informed that their lack of courage is normal.

I didn’t know at age 13 that homesickness was a common experience but once Colonel Bailey told me that I was normal, it encouraged me, especially when he informed me that it would soon pass.

To the Newly Married: It Is Too Early to Quit!

Not infrequently I hear from a newly married person, “We have been married for less than a year but it isn’t working. I am ready to call it quits.” But that’s an unwise conclusion. In a marriage so young, there are no habitual, chronic marital problems. If there is nothing immoral or illegal, then the reason for the problems is rooted in honest misunderstandings.

To the Newly Married: It Is Too Early to Quit!

Oh, sure, the fights are ugly. The reactions to each other border on wicked but the reason for the negativity—the unloving and disrespectful reactions—is an immature interpretation of the other person. Because of a lack of wisdom on how to interpret the other’s reaction, since male and female react to conflict differently, one’s ignorance drives one to conclude the marriage isn’t working.

Do You BOTH Take Responsibility for the Lack of Love and Respect? — Love and Respect Podcast Ep. 062

This week Emerson and Jonathan discuss how good things happen to a couple when both contend they are the one responsible for the lack of love and respect in the marriage. For instance when both say, “My response is my responsibility and I could have been more loving and respectful even when you were having a bad day,” the nature of the marriage changes for the better—much better.

Listen to the podcast HERE. Access it on iTunes HERE and on Stitcher HERE.

Read the transcript HERE. Read the corresponding blog post HERE

Episode 062 - Do You BOTH Take Responsibility for the Lack of Love and Respect

A Wife Won Her Husband: His Testimony

I wish to sing the praises of the wife described below by her husband, who e-mailed me to share how she won him back to herself and to God’s truth on the heels of his sin.

A Wife Won Her Husband- His Testimony

Dear Dr. Eggerichs,

Thank you for writing Love and Respect—the book has been a blessing and reading it has been a life-changing event for me.

I’m 36, my wife is 35. We have two children. I am an engineer by degree and work in management. We’ve always been fortunate enough for our finances to allow my wife to stay home with the kids.

I started a disaster for our marriage. I was involved in several online emotional relationships, which culminated in my leaving the house for 7 weeks in early spring. I returned home in April and broke off all extraneous relationships, but even then I had a list of “demands” for my wife to meet. We continued to struggle as I tried to “force” her to respect me. In September my wife came upon your book in an airport bookstore (of all places!) as she prepared to accompany me on a business trip. She asked me to read a passage—and I agreed albeit with grumbling and rolled eyes. However, despite my bad attitude, I told her to buy it after reading a page.

Do You Both Take Responsibility for the Lack of Love and Respect?

A wife shared with me, “On our way home from vacation yesterday, my husband asked me what I was thinking about and I told him that I was thinking about how I had failed in the area of making him feel respected, to which he replied, ‘Oh no, then that means I have not made you feel loved like I should.’”

I can tell you with near certainty, good things happen to a couple when both contend they are the one responsible for the lack of love and respect in the marriage.

Do You Both Take Responsibility for the Lack of Love and Respect?

In the case of this couple, they had learned about the Energizing Cycle based on Ephesians 5:33—a husband’s love motivates a wife’s respect and a wife’s respect motivates a husband’s love.  

When this wife admitted to her husband that she had not been showing him respect, instead of agreeing with her and then attacking her, he said in effect, “I am responsible. I am not motivating you to show me respect by meeting your need to love. I am failing to love you as you need to be loved.”

On the other side, she believed that his struggle to love her as he ought was due to her failure to make him feel respected.  

Both took 100 percent of the responsibility.  

Do the Prayers of a Person Make a Difference in Their War Room? — Love and Respect Podcast Ep. 061

Emerson recently saw the movie War Room and came away thinking about the topic of prayer, reflecting on the legacy of prayer in his family.

Emerson believes the prayers of his grandmother, whom he never knew, as well as another godly woman, impacted his family significantly and that praying for our spouse, children, and others is something many of us are missing out on. The impact can be significant!

Listen to the podcast HERE. Access it on iTunes HERE and on Stitcher HERE.

Episode 061 - Do the Prayers of a Person Make a Difference in Their War Room?

Do the Prayers of a Person Make a Difference in Their War Room?

In the movie War Room, a godly, wise, and aged woman enters her private room to intercede for others through prayer. In her “war room,” a metaphor for the prayer closet to which Jesus refers in Matthew 6:6, she seeks the Living and Loving Christ on behalf of others.

Such a woman prayed for me, and I never knew it until I was older and she had already died. In fact, I never met her because she died five years before I was even born. She was my grandmother on my dad’s side. Pearl Eggerichs.

Do the Prayers of a Person Make a Difference In Their War Room?

The story has it from my dad that she prayed for her future grandchildren, before they were born. As a widow (my dad’s dad died when he was three months old when a flu epidemic swept across the country), she depended on Christ. She lived by 1 Timothy 5:5, “Now she who is a widow indeed and who has been left alone, has fixed her hope on God and continues in entreaties and prayers night and day.”

Interestingly, after she died another woman, Winnie Crouch, picked up where she left off and actually prayed for me by name after I was born. Years later, I found letters from Winnie to my father telling him that she prayed for me.

I believe in the power of a praying grandmother—one who enters the war room!

My Wife Is Leaving Me

This post was also published as a podcast a couple of weeks ago. Check it out HERE

Why does it take the crisis of a wife leaving before a husband awakens to the bad behaviors that caused her to exit?

My Wife Is Leaving Me

Listen to Greg’s awakening and confession.

My wife and I have been separated for 4 months now. I changed into a horrible man after we became married and did not handle many things right. I said many horrible and hurtful things to her and broke her heart. . . . The day she left, I found God. . . . He touched my heart and took my anger, frustration away. I have been working on me ever since to become a better man, better than I was even when we fell in love. She filed for divorce a month ago. I cannot sign the papers. . . . I really need my family back, my marriage and my wife’s love again.

He humbly confesses the horrible and hurtful things he did to break her heart.

My question: Why does a guy like this not read the signs early on that he is crushing his wife’s heart? Did he not see her deflate? Did he not see her cry? Did he not hear her appeal to him to see the things he did that hurt her? Did he not hear her beg him to change these over-the-line behaviors so they could be happy? Did he not observe her shut down and close off? Did he not listen when she said, “I cannot go on like this anymore”?

How a Wife Won Her Husband – His Testimony — Love and Respect Podcast Ep. 060

Through the testimony of a husband who engaged in online affairs, Emerson and Jonathan discuss and respond to his report that his wife facilitated the reconciliation through her words and behavior. He said, “She showed me respect when I did not deserve it.”

Listen to the podcast HERE. Access it on iTunes HERE and on Stitcher HERE.

Episode 060 - How a Wife Won Her Husband - His Testimony

Love Is Not All You Need In Marriage

Dr. E,

“The Bible says love is the greatest. Love is all that matters, not all this respect stuff. Love is enough for my husband. That’s how I feel.”

When the Bible says in 1 Corinthians 13:13 that love is the greatest, the Apostle Paul restricts the comparison to faith and hope. Of faith, hope, and love, love is the greatest.Paul does not have honor, respect, and glory in mind in this context.

Why is this important to know?

In Your Marriage, What Does It Mean To Ask God For A Song?

Years ago several families in the church I pastored traveled with my family to Mississippi where we ministered to a poverty-stricken location. While there I had the privilege of visiting with an aged African-American woman who loved Christ. Over her lifetime, she had worked in the cotton fields much of her lifetime. As we sat on her front porch, I asked her to share her upbringing, “How did you survive all those years laboring in the scorching-hot cotton fields?”

She told me, “Each morning I’d awakin’ before dawn. The day before me would be another day of drudgery in the cotton fields. To make it through the heat and humidity I’d ask the Lord to give me a song for the day. If I had a song, I could hum and sing it while picking cotton. Faithfully He’d give me a song. Each day I’d sing to Him and find comfort in His presence.”

What a story. What an example.

Should you gain from her wisdom and experience?

In Your Marriage, What Does It Mean To Ask God For A Song?