Respect Talk: A Husband’s Mother-Tongue — Love and Respect Podcast Ep. 059

In this week’s episode Emerson and Jonathan look specifically at the topic of respect as it pertains to a husband. Why respect? When a wife feels unloved, her tendency is to be disrespectful. Her disrespect is her attempt to motivate her husband to change. Her dark look, negative words and unsupportive actions are designed to send him a message: “You are hurting me. Be more loving!” But no husband feels fond feelings of affection toward a woman he thinks despises him (2 Samuel 6:16).

Listen to the podcast HERE. Access it on iTunes HERE and on Stitcher HERE. Read the transcript HERE.

Episode 059 - Respect Talk - A Husbands Mother Tongue

Is It Time to Split Up?—Part 2

(If you haven’t read Part 1 of this post, make sure you do so before continuing!)

We have established that the “man” Jesus refers to in Matthew 9:5–6 who is putting the marriage asunder is the husband and/or wife in the marriage, not the third party too many people are quick to blame.

However, Jesus has also in this verse given us three motivations to avoid putting the marriage asunder: 1) God 2) Hath 3) Joined Together.

Is It Time to Split Up?

1. GOD

Your marriage is far more about God than it is about you. Do you need a healthy reminder of this?

Did your marriage start with you and will it end with you? Or, does your marriage start with God, and God is the one who determines when it will end?

God loves and honors you and your spouse. He calls you to love and respect each other out of trust and obedience toward His command in Ephesians 5:33.

Is It Time to Split Up?—Part 1

(Please don’t answer until you read both part 1 and part 2.)

Jesus says, “For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and the twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder” (Matthew 19:5–6 KJV).

Is It Time to Split Up?

WHO IS THE “MAN”?

I have read that verse countless times over the years but not until after many readings did I see something I never saw! Jesus said, “let not man put asunder.” Who is that “man” who puts the marriage asunder? (To “put asunder” means to be parted, separated, split apart, or torn apart.)

Every text has a context. Jesus began the verse by saying, “For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife.”

In other words, the first and foremost idea is that the man is the husband. We might translate it, “Let not the man who left father and mother and cleaved to his wife put asunder” his marriage.

My Wife is Leaving Me — Love and Respect Podcast Ep. 058

Why does it take a crisis of a spouse leaving to awaken a person to their unloving and disrespectful behavior? Emerson and Jonathan attempt to answer this question by looking at a recent testimony from a husband who confessed and awakened.

Listen to the podcast HERE. Access it on iTunes HERE and on Stitcher HERE. Read the transcript HERE.

Episode 058 - My Wife is Leaving Me

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Who Makes the Final Decision When You Are Stalemated? Part 2

In Part 1, I introduced a topic that many within the Christian community have discussed and debated about for centuries.

Who makes the final call in a marriage where both spouses are caught in a stalemate over a non-moral issue?

Who Makes the Final Decision When You Are Stalemated?

At the end of Part 1, I encouraged you to read and meditate on Ephesians 5:23 and 1 Timothy 3:4,5,12. Did you catch what the apostle Paul was–and was not–saying there?

God revealed to husbands and wives clear language: the husband is the head who must manage his household.

No such language is applied to the wife. In fact, there are warnings to the contrary about a wife ruling and exercising authority over her husband (Titus 2:5, Isaiah 3:12; 1 Timothy 2:12). No amount of hermeneutical gymnastics will persuade 95% of the Christ-followers around the world on these points.

Who Makes the Final Decision When You Are Stalemated? Part 1

When a husband and wife need to make a decision, should they wait for God to change the other person on the matter? What if they must make a decision by a certain time and cannot wait any longer?

While there are many times when lesser decisions can be put on hold until one or both change their opinion, what about those moments when waiting is not feasible, like public versus private schooling for the kids in the fall?

A decision must be made, but how?

Who Makes the Final Decision When You Are Stalemated?

Let me start by saying that prayer should always be the first recourse (not the last).

Couples should be praying together regularly, and if both are good-willed and communicating with love and respect, they will not usually find themselves in a situation where they remain unresolved and stalemated as the clock runs out.

This is why my emphasis is more on teaching couples how to communicate with love and respect and be dependent on Christ. Wisdom comes from God. It is as though a spigot opens to give them insight on finding a solution to their log jam.

Dear God, Change My Husband — Love and Respect Podcast Ep. 057

In this week’s episode, Emerson and Jonathan discuss the good intentions, but pitfalls of some wives’ desire to change their husbands.

Listen to the podcast HERE. Access it on iTunes HERE and on Stitcher HERE.

Episode 057 - Dear God, Change My Husband

Love and Respect Resources

The new and improved Love and Respect website is LIVE! Check it out here.

Over 7000 people have already downloaded the Love and Respect App—will you be next?

How Should A Sister Treat Her Brother?

Does our culture really understand boys?

Generally speaking, the mindset is all about teaching boys how to treat girls. A mother writes,

“Two of my children are attending an essay class. Last week they were told to write an essay entitled, ‘How Should a Gentleman Treat a Lady?’ or ‘How Should a Lady Treat a Gentleman?’ Everyone chose the first option. My daughter, without being prompted, offered an explanation, ‘There is more material available to answer the first question!’”

Because girls exercise greater sensitivity and empathy, the thinking is to stay on boys to teach them to be sensitive and empathetic.

However, here’s what we do not observe: Women and girls react with great disrespect when feeling unloved. When females feel a brother is not sensitive and empathetic, they can verbally lash out in ways that causes the hair on the back of a cat to stand up. Though a girl feels vulnerable, the female tongue does not sound vulnerable to a boy. Her tongue can be venomous.

What is our response to the girls?

This One Exercise Could Radically Change Your Marriage, Part 2

Yesterday, I shared this powerful testimony from a wife. If you missed it, make sure you go back and read it before reading my response.

This One Exercise Could Radically Change Your Marriage, Part 2

Hi Elizabeth,

Your testimony is powerful.  Brilliant. Moving. Discerning. Persuasive.

Over the years, I have coached countless wives to make a positive list of qualities about their husbands. I gave this assignment to counter the overwhelming negativity toward their husbands. This exercise has radically changed their view of their husbands.    

This One Exercise Could Radically Change Your Marriage, Part 1

I recently received this powerful testimony from a wife. By sharing it, I hope you will be encouraged in your marriage.

This One Exercise Could Radically Change Your Marriage, Part 1

Dr. E,

God has been burdening my heart the last few weeks about a topic that I want (and don’t want) to discuss. I am not even sure how to approach the subject, so here is my best attempt.

Once you become a Christian you enter the spiritual battle between good and evil (Romans 7:15-25, 1 Timothy 6:12). Sometimes you can get so weary in the battle. Sometimes you feel like you are the only one fighting. Everyone else seems so happy, but you have so much turmoil inside. Others might look at you and think you are happy, but you know that you are not. You know you are struggling. You know you want to give up. You know you just can’t do this fighting anymore.

When Parenting: The Punishment Must Fit The Crime, Part 2 – Love and Respect Podcast Ep. 056

Emerson and Jonathan continue the discussion of discipline when parenting in part 2 of this series. In this episode, the unintentionally bad but morally reckless child and the intentionally bad and morally rebellious child are discussed. Through looking at intent and discussing never disciplining above or below the “crime,” two difficult categories of discipline are examined.

Listen to the podcast HERE. Access it on iTunes HERE and on Stitcher HERE.

Listen to Part 1 HERE. Read the blog post on this topic HERE.

Episode 056 - When Parenting - The Punishment Must Fit The Crime - Part 2

Why Do Some People Hang Onto Bitterness? [Video]

Why do some people hang onto bitterness?

They think that to forgive means letting the other person off the hook. To forgive means they must remove all consequences from the other person.

That, of course, is mistaken thinking.

For example, one can have a forgiving spirit while bringing the full weight of the law to bear against the other person.

Let’s take an extreme example. A mother can have a forgiving spirit toward her son who robbed a bank to get money for his drug addiction. Her forgiving spirit does not prohibit her from contacting the police to inform them of what he did.

She can say to her son, “I have forgiven you totally, but my love and respect for who I believe you to be compelled me to do what was clearly best for you and that was to allow you to suffer the consequences of your wrongdoing and be placed in a rehab facility.”

There is no contradiction with a mother’s forgiving spirit and the enactment of consequences toward her son.

This is huge to understand since some erroneously conclude that to insure justice they must be unforgiving in spirit. But it is a false idea to believe bitterness empowers us long term.

The truth is, we are empowered by wisdom, love, respect and the determination to do what is best for the other person. Bitterness will not do what is best for the other.  

A key element to understand, of course, is not to allow a forgiving spirit to turn one into a passive person who enables the other person to keep on sinning.

So, too, we must focus more on ourselves. A forgiving spirit evidences the kind of person we choose to be.

Who Wrote the Famous Song R.E.S.P.E.C.T.? Aretha Franklin?

As for Aretha Franklin’s song R.E.S.P.E.C.T., the truth is Otis Redding wrote that song and he released it in 1965, two years before Aretha adapted it to her female perspective of a confident feminist.

Otis’s version is of a desperate husband pleading with his wife for respect. He will give her anything she wants and doesn’t care if she treats him wrong.

Aretha changed it to “I ain’t gonna do you wrong.” Otis playfully said it is a song “that little girl done stole from me.”

Why do I surface this?

Men and women feel differently about love and respect.

At the end of what movie does the hero say to the female, “I want to respect you the rest of my life?”

Never happens.

Though women need respect, they lean toward love. Their hearts beat to hear from the hero, “I want to love you the rest of my life.”

Parents: The Punishment Must Fit The Crime, Part 2

In our last blog post, we discussed the how to respond to a child who is socially thoughtless and rude. We also looked at the importance of discerning a child’s intent before enacting discipline.

But behind social rules, what about moral laws? What about reckless and even rebellious behavior that seriously hurts people? How is a parent to respond to these?

With regard to moral laws, there are unintentional responses and intentional reactions. In both instances the children do something that is innately wrong. They can be reckless and rebellious.

Parents- The Punishment Must Fit The Crime 2

Unintentionally Bad: Morally Reckless

A nine-year-old boy is swinging a baseball bat in his bedroom while his younger brother is running in and out of the bedroom. Danger is written all over this picture. One whack of the bat across the side of the head of the little boy and he could have a concussion if not instantaneous death.

Parents: The Punishment Must Fit The Crime, Part 1

When disciplining our kids, we can learn something from the court system. The punishment must fit the crime.

Parents- The Punishment Must Fit The Crime

In the court of law, there are 3 levels of criminal behavior:

  • Infraction: something like a parking ticket, a speeding ticket, or making too much noise. We don’t send a person to the electric chair for parking in a handicap spot.
  • Misdemeanor: disorderly conduct, reckless driving, or marijuana possession. We don’t send a person to prison for life for reckless driving.
  • Felony: the most serious crime, like murder, rape, or sexual abuse of a minor. We don’t fine a murderer $1000 and let him go free.

In each case, the courts have worked long and hard to make sure the punishment fits the crime.

Added to the mix is the issue of intent. The questions to be answered are: