Is Your Wife Really Finished With Your Marriage? Part 1

To every husband who hears his wife say, “I am finished with this marriage,” do not take her words at face value. Even if she expresses herself sincerely at the moment, those sentiments can change rapidly given you understand how to apply the power of love to her heart.

The first step is to stop talking. Try to really listen to her heart. The foundational question for a wife is, “Do you really hear me, understand me, accept me and love me?”

If you cannot achieve this on your own, invite her into a setting with a pastor or Christian counselor who will help you listen to what she is saying.

In those initial conversations, you may feel that she overstates the case by using phrases like, “You always…!” and “You never…!” Everything in you will want to rise up to inform her that she misspeaks. You will feel dishonored and unjustly accused.

I get it.

But in those first several sessions, keep your mouth shut except to express sorrow for failing to hear and understand her.

Today and tomorrow, I am going to share with you a series of emails I received from a soldier whose wife told him their marriage was over and that she planned on divorcing him. Your situation may be different than what this couple experienced, but I have no doubt you can learn something from what you’re about to read.

What Does Winning The Lottery Have To Do With Marriage And Heaven? Part 2 — Love and Respect Podcast Ep. 050

In Part 2 of What Does Winning The Lottery Have To Do With Marriage And Heaven?, Emerson and Jonathan continue the discussion about rewarded and unrewarded believers. While difficult concepts are discussed, salient scriptures are examined that pertain to why we do what we do as Christians when it comes to marriage, parenting, and beyond.

Listen to the podcast HERE. Access it on iTunes HERE and on Stitcher HERE.

Timestamps

00:56 – Where did the idea of this podcast come from?

03:30 – Need that perfect wedding gift?

06:36 – The meaning of glory and how it relates to you and your marriage.

10:12 – Rewarded versus unrewarded believers.

Men: Can We Be Conscious of Unconscious Mistakes? (Part 2)

Many husbands and fathers have written to me saying, in effect:

“Many times I have no idea that I am coming across unlovingly to my wife and daughter. As a man, I learned that I have a tendency to be harsh and angry and communicate with “a look” that can kill or have a tone that slices their hearts when I am tired and frustrated. When I do this, it makes sense to me why my wife and daughter get so hurt and dramatic, and then want to talk to me about how they felt so unloved.

“Unlike my son who does not personalize my reactions, the women in my life do take everything personally, as though I say things just to hurt them.

“I learned that the women in my life end up criticizing and complaining, telling me that I was unloving because they felt unloved. Of course I did not feel unloving. I felt like I was just telling it like it is, but even so, there really is no one who talks to them like I do. They naturally interpreted me as not loving them as people.

“As women who filter their world through the love grid, I was not conscious of crossing the line. Because I did not feel unloving, I did not see what they saw. In hindsight, I see it now.

“I guess I assumed they would understand that my momentary reaction was just that–momentary. I move on. I drop it. No big deal. I hold no grudges.

The issue to me was that I simply wanted them to see the issue at hand. I was not attacking them personally. I was trying to solve a problem and they needed to respect my solution. My look of disgust was to motivate them for the future. However, I was blind to the overkill this was to them.

“Because I did not intend to offend them, but rather to help them, I did not see my conduct as offensive. I subconsciously gave myself a pass on my looks and tones since I did not feel unloving.”

Women: Can We Be Conscious of Unconscious Mistakes? (Part 1)

Many wives and mothers have written to me saying,

“I had no idea how disrespectful I was to my husband and son. Once I learned that I communicate with “a look” of contempt and with a tone of disgust when I am tired, upset, hurt, frustrated and angry, it made sense to me why my they pulled away from me.”

“Unlike my daughter, who identified with my female emotions, the men in my life did not.

“I learned that the men withdrew emotionally because they sat there stunned, feeling like I despised who they were as human beings. Of course, I did not despise them. I was only venting, but even so, no one talked to them the way I talked to them. They naturally interpreted me as not respecting them as people.

“As men who filter their world through the respect grid, I was not conscious of crossing the line. Because I felt love in my heart for my men, I did not see what they saw.  In hindsight, I see it now.

“I guess I assumed they would understand that my ‘disrespect’ was a marginal issue to me. The issue to me is that I cared about them and wanted them to do what needed to be done. They needed to be more loving and sensitive. My look of contempt was to motivate them to be better. However, I was blind to the overkill this seemed to them.

“Because I did not intend to offend them, but rather to help them, I did not see my conduct as offensive. I subconsciously gave myself a pass on my looks and tones since I loved them.”

Boys Are Not Violent Due To The Honor Code Within [Video]

A social experiment was conducted in Italy with boys ranging from 7 to 11 years old:

“The boys are introduced to Martina, who has a giggly, lovestruck effect on all the young admirers. When asked to caress her, the boys do not hesitate to stroke her cheek in a gesture of intimacy. When asked to make a funny face at her, they do so. However, when the boys are asked to slap Martina, they all look surprised and confused. Obviously torn between wanting to obey and their own moral objections, all of the boys eventually shake their heads at the unseen camera crew, refusing to comply. When asked why they wouldn’t slap her, all of the boys responded that they did not want to hurt her, or that they did not believe in violence. All agreed that they should never hit girls. Why? ‘Cause I’m a man!’ replied one of the boys.”

Powerful!

Secularists conclude that parental and societal influences on the boys resulted in their sentiments about not hitting a girl–of course those influences are vital and should continue. Some of the boys used slogans like, “Don’t hit a girl, not even with a flower.” Obviously they heard this expression from an adult.

However, the influence on these boys is there because it resonates with the male nature. God designed boys to protect women, not slap them. To die for women, not kill them.

God instilled this virtue in the hearts of boys and they must work really hard to act in opposition to it.

A Righteous Father Falls Seven Times, And Rises Again — Love and Respect Podcast Ep. 049

In this Father’s Day message, Emerson and Jonathan encourage fathers to focus on Proverbs 24:16 which says, “A righteous man falls seven times, and rises again.” There is hope. Failings are not final. You can begin again. Listen in as Emerson expands on this recent blog post.

Listen to the podcast HERE. Access it on iTunes HERE and on Stitcher HERE.

Timestamps

01:45 – Have you seen the new digital products in our store?

07:30 – “Success is not final. Failure is not fatal…” –Winston Churchill

08:40 – Feeling like a failure as a father? You are not alone.

How To Succeed As A Father: Today Is A New Day!

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts.”

–Winston Churchill (1874-1965), Former Prime Minister of the United Kingdom

Such words take on profound meaning in times of life and death, as they did in the days of World War II.

There are lesser battles, yet very real, and there is a battle every parent encounters that tests the heart.

Sarah and I can recall many moments when we felt like failures as parents. Looking back on it now, we realize that the failures of the day were not fatal and the successes of tomorrow were not final!

We had a decision to make. Would we let defeat defeat us as parents?

Parenting is not for cowards. As Churchill said, “It is the courage to continue that counts.” I love what Proverbs 24:16 says: “A righteous man falls seven times, and rises again.”

Arrogant Pride Misses The Spirit Of Generosity, Part 2

Remember the scene from yesterday’s post?

If you haven’t read the story yet or watched the video, I would encourage you to do so before continuing on. CLICK HERE.

The example of the beggar on the street giving away money may give us a glimpse into the true condition of many people. The folks in the story erupted like volcanoes. They were filled with wrath toward this street person.

His offering of gifts and grace repulsed and angered the passers-by. They felt insulted, incensed and irate. They cursed.

I believe there are two reasons for this:

  1. They deemed the offer to be lacking worth. The free gift of $1 was not worth receiving in their opinion. They did not value what the beggar wished to give to them.
  2. They deemed the $1 offer to mean they had a need and they did not see themselves as having a need for $1. They felt degraded, belittled and enraged.

In like manner, will these folks hate God and blaspheme Him throughout eternity, grinding their teeth at His offer of the “free gift” of eternal life (Romans 5:15,16; 6:23)?

Arrogant Pride Misses The Spirit of Generosity, Part 1

Watch this video clip about a homeless man offering money to those who walk by him on the street. The homeless man is an actor who wished to discover people’s reactions when the beggar seeks to give instead of receive. What you see will shock you.

I found the scenes chilling. People found his offer disgusting and cursed at him. They revealed the human heart that declares,

“I am so much better and more important and more successful than you are. You insult me. I have an expensive car, I make a lot of money, and I will not be mocked since I am a self-made person. Be like me! What you offer has no worth. What you offer offends me. I do not need what you offer.”

What shocked me about this video clip was the level of cursing and perverse speech in reaction to the poor man offering them money. In the Old Testament, I find it interesting that pride (or “ga’on” in the book of Proverbs) is so closely associated with arrogance, evil behavior and perverse speech.

4 Reasons To Show Unconditional Respect To A Husband, Part 2

In Part 1 of this 2-part series, I painted a picture of how contempt and disdain can reap devastating consequences on a marriage.

But I also shared a story with you of how one wife applied unconditional respect to a difficult situation that has become all-too-common in today’s technologically saturated society, and how it can result in hope and eventual healing.

I left you with this question: What do wives need to understand about unconditional respect?

Let’s continue…

1. Unconditional respect guards her against her default mode of disrespect when she is disappointed with her husband.

God reveals His will to a wife by instructing that she clothe herself in “respectful behavior” toward her husband, whether he is obedient or disobedient to Christ (Ephesians 5:33) in order to prevent her from reacting with disrespect and contempt.

Her natural tendency in the face of a disobedient husband is to display disrespect. She defaults to disdain. When her husband fails to be what she (and God) expects, she is hurt and the disappointment proves so severe that she feels disgust. Thus, God protects her from this propensity by calling her to  “respectful behavior” in the face of his disobedience.  

4 Reasons to Show Unconditional Respect to a Husband, Part 1

Is unconditional respect a Biblical idea? Yes.

1 Peter 3:12 states,

“In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.”

The husband is disobedient to the Word. He is either an unbeliever or a carnal believer living contrary to Christ and God’s Word.

In facing off with a disobedient husband, every wife encounters the call of God to put on unconditional respect.

What Does Winning The Lottery Have To Do With Marriage And Heaven? Part 1 — Love and Respect Podcast Ep. 048

In this week’s episode, Emerson and Jonathan discuss specific Scriptures about heaven, future rewards, and why it is that what we do in this life matters more than we may realize. Whether in marriage, parenting, or relationships in general, this message is sure to enrich and empower as one understands that nothing is wasted when we do things unto Christ.

Listen to the podcast HERE. Access it on iTunes HERE and on Stitcher HERE.

Timestamps

00:59—Will you leave us a review?

02:46 – Emerson asks a question, “Are you experiencing troubling moments?”

04:00 – Jonathan and Emerson talk about that feeling you get when you win something and this commercial.

08:11 – What kind of future do you hope for?

Are Love and Respect the Same?

Respect is different than love.

We respect our boss, but we do not feel love for our boss.

We feel love for our teen son, but we do not always feel respect for him.

Love and respect are not synonymous.  

A mom, for example, can internally feel disrespect for her son all the while feeling deep love for him, but of course she must guard against showing the disrespect she feels!

An older boy knows this difference. Ask him, “Does your mom love you?” Inevitably he will reply, “Yes.”  Then ask, “Does your mom respect you?” He might answer, “No, not really. Not today.”

Why Do Some Wives Say, “I Do Not Feel Any Respect For My Husband”?

When we say that God commands a wife to respect her husband we are not saying that God commands the wife to feel respect for her husband.

She may feel little to no respect for him because of his reprehensible actions.  No person on the planet should feel respect for what is not intrinsically respectable.

So then, what do we mean by respecting one’s husband?

Respect is about how a wife treats her husband when she does not feel respect for him.

Respect is about the demeanor and behavior a wife takes toward her husband when talking to him about his hurtful deeds.

Why Do Some Husbands Say, “I Do Not Feel Any Love For My Wife?”

When we say that God commands a husband to love his wife, we are not saying that God commands the husband to feel love for his wife.

He may feel little to no love for her because of her reprehensible actions. No person on the planet should feel love for what is not intrinsically lovable.

So then, what do we mean by loving one’s wife?

Love is about how a husband treats his wife when he does not feel love for her.

Love is about the demeanor and behavior a husband takes toward his wife when talking to her about her hurtful deeds.