How To Forgive An Adulterous Spouse [Video]

A husband wrote to us,

“I read your post on Facebook today regarding forgiveness, but I don’t understand how I can forgive my spouse when she has had two affairs. We are now divorced…Please help me understand your message.”

I shared with him:

  1. How forgiveness is different than reconciliation with your spouse.
  2. Jesus’ forgiveness of those who hated him.
  3. How to not become bitter.
  4. The difference in knowing when to remove consequences and when loving someone requires justice.
  5. The freedom that is found in forgiveness.

How To Teach Your Kids About Respect And Honor

Envision the gladiators and noblemen in the Roman Republic sometime around 73 BC.

The T.V. mini-series, Spartacus (2011), re-enacts the culture at this time. In one scene, a leading character addresses the family of Batiatus. He declares, “Here we stand. This house is built atop the unshakable foundation of honor and respect. And in no man were these qualities more evident than in Titus Lentulus Batiatus.”

THE FOUNDATION: HONOR AND RESPECT

The unchanging underpinning is honor and respect!

Indeed, these two timeless truths are fundamental to any family, tribe or nation.

Do You Negatively React To Motivate Your Spouse To Be More Positive?

Based on Ephesians 5:33, I have suggested two major reactions that happen in marriages:

  1. When a wife feels unloved, she tends to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband.
  2. When a husband feels disrespected, he tends to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife.

Both of these reactions ignite what I call the Crazy Cycle–without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.

Some couples continuously spin on this cycle.

Why?

What is the #1 Paradox When Parenting God’s Way? — Love and Respect Podcast Ep. 028

Parenting is for adults only because it’s difficult. A sense of self-worth as a parent is often based on a child’s performance or how they turn out, but this is not healthy. This week, Emerson and Jonathan discuss the #1 paradox in parenting and give hope to many parents.

Listen to the podcast HERE. Access it on iTunes HERE and on Stitcher HERE.

Timestamps

01:15—Emerson discusses what you will—and will not—hear at any of the four Love & Respect Live Conferences coming in February.

05:20—A brief recap last week’s episode, because everyone needs a review now and again.

09:40—Why did Emerson wait until now to write and speak about parenting?

What Is Love? Answer: C-O-U-P-L-E [Video]

I received an email from Nathan and he asked, “Husbands are to love their wives. That’s their special command. So what is ‘love?’”

Excellent question.

There are all kinds of answers; many of them are rather flowery and syrupy, while some are very romantic. I responded to Nathan with what I believe are practical, down-to-earth, biblical instructions on how a husband can spell “love” to his wife. I provided six principles using the acronym, C-O-U-P-L-E, as described in chapters 8-14 of my book Love & Respect. They are:

Do You Ask Or Tell Your Spouse What To Do?

A man shared with me the following,

“When it comes to respecting others, I think a good rule of thumb is ‘ask, don’t tell.” I had all these flashbacks to taking the garbage out. Literally I’m walking to go take the trash out to the street, and my wife says, ‘Go take the garbage out.’ I think to myself, ‘I was already going to do it, but the fact that she said that, now I don’t want to do it anymore.’”

He continues,

The Difference Between Saying “Thanks” and Feeling Gratitude

A dog owner commanded his dog to say thanks just before receiving a treat. “Say thanks!” he said. Then the dog would bark as a sign of his thanksgiving.

Of course, we all know the dog was just barking.

Have you ever thought about the difference between saying “thanks” and feeling gratitude?

There is a difference.

PARENTS

A parent can command a child to say “thanks,” but a parent cannot order a child to feel gratitude.

Gratitude surfaces from within as a result of reflection.

Saying “thanks” can become mere lip service instead of a matter of the heart.

Adult Children: How Have Your Parents Affected Your Faith?

In Love & Respect in the Family, I unfold what God reveals to parents about parenting. Each concept is based on key biblical passages on the subject. I refer to them as G.U.I.D.E.S. Parents are to be GivingUnderstanding, Instructing, Disciplining, Encouraging, and Supplicating.

When parents apply these six revelations from God, they produce the most loving environment that best motivates a child to chose the parent’s faith and values.

But what about the child, or more specifically the adult child, who is now dealing with how he or she was parented?

One major teaching in the Bible to children is something some of us overlook: Children can have faith in the Lord apart from the parent.

Regardless of parents, children can be in the Lord, please the Lord, trust the Lord and have confidence in God’s care.

The Dynamic Woman — Love and Respect Podcast Ep. 027

In this week’s episode, Emerson and Jonathan read and discuss a series of recent emails from a wife who is a dynamic leader outside the home. She feels she and her husband may be mismatched and asks if, and how, they should remain together.

Listen to the podcast HERE. Access it on iTunes HERE and on Stitcher HERE.

Timestamps

00:50—A brief overview of last week’s episode.

03:02—A response letter from a listener: “There’s only [so much] a person can take and I thought I had hit my limit, but…”

07:01—A letter from a listener and today’s topic: “I used to think that respect had to be earned.”

What is The Love and Respect System? Part III [Video]

Did you miss Part I and Part II of this three-part series? I recommend checking them out first, and then moving on to Part III below.

This overview will teach you the basic Love and Respect principles and show you how applying them can improve your marriage as you understand the 3 cycles:

In Part I, I showed you the Crazy Cycle: without love a wife reacts without respect and without respect a husband reacts without love. This baby can begin to spin out of control.

In Part II, I showed you the Energizing Cycle: his love motivates her respect and her respect motivates his love.  Each is energized.

Sometimes a wife will not show respect for her husband no matter how hard he tries to show her love. Sometimes a husband will not show love for his wife no matter how hard she tries to respect him.

When this is the case, you can live on the Rewarded Cycle.

WHAT IS THE REWARDED CYCLE?

What is The Love and Respect System? Part II [Video]

Did you miss Part I of this three-part series? I recommend checking it out HERE first, and then moving on to Part II below.

This week, I’m giving you an overview of the Love and Respect system. In this series, you’ll learn about the three cycles, the basic principles of Love and Respect and how applying them can improve your marriage.

The three cycles are:

In Part I, I showed you the Crazy Cycle: without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love. It gets crazy! Please review Part I if you have not, yet.

How do we jump off the Crazy Cycle?

We jump onto the second cycle, which is the Energizing Cycle!

What is The Love and Respect System? Part I [Video]

Over the next few days, I’m going to provide you with an overview of the Love and Respect system.

This overview will teach you its basic principles and show you how applying them can improve your marriage as you understand the 3 cycles:

WHAT IS THE CRAZY CYCLE?

Many couples spend most of their time on the Crazy Cycle, which is summed up like this:

Is the Book Love & Respect in the Family a Spin-Off of Love & Respect in Marriage?

What do we say to those who suggest Emerson applies the principles of Love and Respect to parenting as though he simply had to come up with something to say to parents and so used the same message?

For example, one gal commented on Facebook in response to this post about the Family Crazy Cycle, which says: Without love a child reacts without respect, and without respect a parent reacts without love. 

She writes,

A Husband Wakes Up Before It Is Too Late — Love and Respect Podcast Ep. 026

Some individuals take years to wake up to the fact that their behavior needs to change. In this week’s episode, Emerson and Jonathan discuss one husband’s decision to acknowledge many years of doing things incorrectly, the choice to be different and the patience required to win his spouse back.

Listen to the podcast HERE. Access it on iTunes HERE and on Stitcher HERE.

Timestamps

01:45—Individually or as a group, all the podcasts are HERE for your listening pleasure.

02:46—Emerson reviews last week’s podcast and the Relationship Challenge.

06:11—A positive letter from a single woman: “Growing up, I never knew this.”