Top 7 Posts of 2014 + A Giveaway!

Sarah and I want to thank you for following us on Facebook, reading the blog articles, watching the videos, listening to the podcasts and replying with your great comments! You bless us.

Thank you, too, for telling others about our live conferences and resources. Because you are credible, your family and friends trust you and respond.

In 2015, Lord willing, we intend to continue to offer free content to you for your personal edification and to serve others. We’ve highlighted below just a few of the blog posts that received extraordinary traffic this past year. If you’ve never read these, please do.

We hope you have a blessed holiday (Holy Day!) and a Happy New Year.

Oh, did I tell you that we have a new granddaughter, Ada Joy Marie?  We are blessed!

What Are the First Two Questions Parents Should Ask When A Family Conflict Ignites?

Incidents that can deflate or provoke our kids happen all the time. They wind up feeling unloved; we wind up feeling disrespected and like failures because we blew it again.

Disappointingly, a small issue seems to grow into something much larger.

When the Family Crazy Cycle begins to spin, the issue—whatever you are disagreeing about—is becoming The Issue. Remember, the first step in decoding is to discern what is happening at two levels:

How To Learn Love and Respect — Love and Respect Podcast Ep. 024

“As I look back on my marriage to Jackie—56 years, 3 months and 13 days before she went home—I think not so much of light bulb moments, but more of dawning realizations (I seem to be a slow learner).” Emerson and Jonathan discuss a marriage and faith testimony from acclaimed Christian author, Fritz Ridenour, in this week’s episode.

Listen to the podcast HERE. Access it on iTunes HERE and on Stitcher HERE.


00:58—Emerson gives a brief summary of last week’s Special Christmas Edition of the podcast.

04:05—Letter from a Listener: “My husband quit his job and I don’t agree. What should I do?”

09:13—The story of friendship between Emerson and Fritz Ridenour.

Your Ministry Partnership Is Important To Us!

We trust the Lord has used our ministry to make a difference in your marriage and family. We also believe you enable us to make a huge difference in other marriages and families by sharing the Love and Respect message, whether through our products or your testimony and counsel. Over this past year we have shifted, however, to providing much more FREE content and you have an opportunity to help us continue to do this.


A friend of the ministry has offered us a matching gift of $50,000!

Due to the generous spirit of this friend, we would like to invite you to participate.

Would you consider donating $25, $50, $100 or more knowing this friend will match your gift?

Here is why your gift is so important.

Who Does He Think He Is? God? [Video]

Jesus makes an extraordinary statement in the Gospel of John, 14:9. He says, “He who has seen Me has seen the Father.”

I remember reading that and thinking, “Who does He think He is? God?”


Go back to John 10:33. Here we observe a stunning and frightening scene. The Jewish leaders are preparing to stone him to death. Why? Because they considered him a blasphemer. They said, “Because You, being a man, make Yourself out to be God.”

Who did he think he was? God?

He didn’t backpedal. He didn’t deny their accusation. He put himself in the position to be interpreted as claiming to be God, and He did not seek to correct that perception.

Take a look at another interaction that took place in John 5:18, “For this reason therefore the Jews were seeking all the more to kill Him, because He not only was breaking the Sabbath, but also was calling God His own Father, making Himself equal with God.”

Six “Thank You” Statements to Say to Your Spouse

In the book, Love & Respect, I spell “love” to a wife as C.O.U.P.L.E. and “respect” to a husband as C.H.A.I.R.S.

Look at the list below and consider how you might express thankfulness to your spouse.

As a wife, thank your husband for at least one of the ways he shows you love.

As a husband, thank your wife for at least one of the ways she shows you respect.

Who Does He Think He Is? — Love and Respect Podcast Ep. 023

Jesus makes an extraordinary statement in the gospel of John. He says in John 14:9, “He who has seen me has seen the father.” Emerson remembers reading that and thinking, “Who does He think He is? God?” Emerson and Jonathan discuss the implications of this statement for our lives this Christmas season.

Listen to the podcast HERE. Access it on iTunes HERE and on Stitcher HERE.


01:38—The real reason Jonathan looks forward to hearing Emerson’s Christmas sermons.

02:11—Emerson gives a quick review of last week’s topic and Relationship Challenge.

05:01—Send us your stories! Email us at

05:56—Who does he think he is?

06:28—Emerson’s first impressions of Jesus.

And They Lived Happily Ever After…Not Necessarily

One of our chief concerns at Love and Respect is not that people hear the message, important as that is, but that couples who attend a conference or read the book will go on to effectively practice love and respect in their daily lives.

I realize each couple has this very same concern, of course. My heart goes out to those who tell me they “get it,” but aren’t able to consistently “stay with it.” They have learned that Love and Respect sounds simple, but it’s not so easy to do (maybe “unnatural” is a better phrase).

I understand. Sarah and I don’t find it easy or natural either, and we have conducted Love and Respect Marriage Conferences over two hundred times during the last ten years!

I am not trying to discourage you; I want to encourage you by saying right up front that Love and Respect is not a magic bullet. You will try it and find that you won’t always practice it perfectly.

But Proverbs 24:16 gives me much hope, as I hope it will for you: “A righteous man [or woman] falls seven times and rises again.”

Making New Year’s Plans Already?

Whether you’ve been through the Love and Respect material many times in the past or only once a long, long time ago, here’s a chance to get your hands on one of our small group studies at a discounted rate.

All Small Group Materials are On Sale Through December 18. Check Them Out Today.

Go through a series with your spouse, soon-to-be-spouse, church community and friends, or give it as a gift to someone who could use a little encouragement and hope this holiday season. Then watch as this “relationship secret hidden in plain sight” begins to impact marriages and families for generations to come!

How Do We Love Our Kids While Teaching Them to be Respectful?

Does the Bible address this love-need in a child, and this respect-need in parents? Yes.

Parents need and want the respect that Scripture plainly says is their due: “Honor your father and your mother” (Exodus 20:12) is one of many passages where children are clearly told to honor and respect their parents. And children need and want the love and sensitive understanding that Scripture teaches parents to give them. See Titus 2:4, Ephesians 6:4, and Colossians 3:21 for just a few examples of where parental responsibilities are mentioned or described.

As I have searched Scripture, I have found something that could serve well many parents, even revolutionize the parent-child relationship. But it’s one thing to have a theological theory; it’s another to make it work, especially in the daily crucible of child rearing. As every parent knows, from tots to teenagers children are not always respectful or honoring, and it is not always easy to be loving in the face of children who appear disrespectful. The obvious challenge then is: How do you show love to your preschooler, especially when he is having a meltdown right in the middle of the supermarket checkout line, leaving you to feel mortified and disrespected? Or how does a parent deal with a teenage daughter who yells, “You are the worst parent in the world” as she reacts with drama that could get her a role on Broadway?

The Spiritual Leadership of a Husband — Love and Respect Podcast Ep. 022

Today’s godly woman yearns for her husband to be a spiritual leader. The number one complaint among godly wives IS NOT, “My husband isn’t treating me equally.”  The broader complaint is, “My husband isn’t the spiritual leader.” Emerson and Jonathan discuss the topic of men being spiritual leaders within the home in this week’s episode.

Listen to the podcast HERE. Access it on iTunes HERE and on Stitcher HERE.


00:55—Where can you find the other 21 podcast episodes?

01:34—Jonathan and Emerson review last week’s topic.

05:30—This isn’t either/or—both sides need to listen in order to understand.

07:27—The most common complaint among Christian wives (HINT: it’s not what you think).

Can We Be Grateful in the Face of a Tragedy?

Would you respond like this daughter?

“Dear Dr. Eggerichs,

My mother and father always had a good marriage. They were best friends and spent almost all of their time together.  For as long as I can remember, dad chose to be with his family rather than anyone else.

But like most couples, mom and dad also had their share of arguments. My father checked your book out of the library several weeks ago. He began applying to his marriage with my mom the principles set forth in Scripture and expounded on in your book. Mom called one day and told me how dad had been reading your book and that he had been so sweet to her lately.

I had lunch with my parents on Thursday, November 3.  While mom was in the bathroom, dad told me about your book and how he had been trying to change his behavior accordingly. He said it was amazing how well he and mom had been getting along since then. He said they hadn’t had an argument in a week. He was absolutely giddy about it. It was so cute. He even went out and bought another copy of your book that day.

On November 5, he was hit by a car while walking to a [college] football game and suffered severe brain injuries. He died a few hours later.

Should a Parent Feel Offended by Young Children? Why?

As Christian parents, with all the scriptural backup to our parental authority, we can feel the pressure to make sure our kids are obedient, reacting too sternly, or in frustration or anger. This is an example of how parents can start the Family Crazy Cycle by overreacting to kids just being kids. Our rigidity and negativity are perceived as unloving to our children, who then feel unfairly judged, and now we have entered the Family Crazy Cycle.

Once you admit to yourself, “Yes, I am feeling disrespected,” then you can ask, “Should I feel disrespected?”

This is a crucial question that you should not answer without thinking it through. A parent must guard against taking offense against a child who has no disrespectful intentions. Irresponsibility is not the same as disrespect. Granted, I will not deny that irresponsible actions can feel disrespectful. For example, you instruct your child to be careful with his milk cup, but somehow his little elbow knocks his cup over. It is a critical moment. You may feel disrespected. Why can’t your child be more careful? But this is the right moment to repeat an old saying: “Don’t cry over spilled milk!” Yes, the child made a mess, but kids will be kids. Irresponsible at times, yes, but do not confuse this with disrespect.

– Emerson Eggerichs, PhD

Why Does A Husband Misunderstand His Wife? – Love and Respect Podcast Ep. 021

Saying husbands and wives can misunderstand each other at times is an understatement. In this episode, Emerson and Jonathan discuss how husbands often misunderstand their wives. They’ll take a look at a powerful testimony from a husband who concluded after 17 years of marriage that his wife was NOT intentionally nagging and nitpicking, but was trying to connect. Their marriage changed when he realized this.

Listen to the podcast HERE. Access it on iTunes HERE and on Stitcher HERE.

01:51—Emerson recaps Episode 20.

06:11—Ask this question before you confront your spouse.

07:19—A common issue among husbands.

5 Possible Reasons A Wife Feels Her Husband Hates Her [Video]

Wives have asked me time and time again, “Why does my husband hate me?”

I hurt for these women, then I ask them to tell me more.

From the many stories I’ve heard over the years, I have discovered five possible answers to the question.

Read about them briefly and watch the video below.


I say this with great sadness, but he has chosen to hate you for reasons having little to do with you. You have loved him and treated him respectfully, but he has become bitter and hateful.

But TO THE REST OF YOU I want to give you hope. It might not be that he hates you at all. There is a misunderstanding.