Eric Metaxas, NY Times best-selling author, wrote: With his Love and Respect concept, Emerson Eggerichs has discovered what can only be described as the Holy Grail of marital counseling. It is an absolutely extraordinary and revolutionary — and utterly biblical – understanding of marriage, and it was under our noses for two-thousand years, waiting for us to find it. On behalf of married couples the world over, I am thrilled someone finally did.
Hyperbole? Maybe. Eric is my friend and he flatters me.
Q: My husband is addicted to drugs and it’s destroying our marriage. He refuses to talk about it. What can I do?
Dr. E says: As you know, giving advice through email is not the ideal. I desire to serve you with godly wisdom, yet realize I don’t have all the pieces, and have not heard both sides. Please keep this in mind as I attempt to help within these limitations.
The first thing I suggest is to seek godly, professional guidance from someone who is for your marriage, but understands addiction. Then I suggest following these 3 steps to incorporate Love & Respect into the process:
Have you ever had your doubts that something was too good to be true? Especially something that goes against the “norm”? We want to share Jo’s experience as she began to apply Ephesians 5:33 to her marriage. She believed her friend’s marriage was changed, but what about hers?
I had my doubts.
We are excited to announce the Love and Respect Podcast!
Our weekly show features Dr. Emerson Eggerichs and his son, Dr. Jonathan Eggerichs. The dynamic father-son duo, along with invited guests in the future, will discuss topics ranging from marriage and parenting to theology and psychology.
You can find the show on iTunes, Stitcher, and loveandrespectpodcast.com.
I do not believe in marital bliss 24/7 despite the pictures on social media to the contrary.
As a marriage expert is my disbelief rooted in a cynicism about marital happiness?
Not at all. I believe in marital happiness, I just don’t believe such happiness happens 24/7.
What I do believe is that those who are the happiest in their marriages agree with me. The key to marital happiness is accepting a degree of marital unhappiness.
Did you hear about the demolition expert who went by the name K.B.? When asked why everyone called him K.B. he replied, “It stands for Kaboom.”
I sometimes start a fire in my outside fireplace by soaking a few logs with gasoline and then throwing a match on the timber. It goes KABOOM!
However, I never, ever, throw gasoline on the fire! That would be called a killer KABOOM!
FAQ: I am no longer in love with my husband. In fact, I don’t believe I ever loved him. Wouldn’t it be better for both of us if we get a divorce?
Dr E says: Can I lovingly challenge you? You are hurting and are about to make a major and I believe a wrong decision. Pull back. I cannot justify a divorce based on your report here.
We live in a culture where feelings determine everything. You may have fallen victim to this and now feel overwhelmed by what appears as total darkness and despair.
We can learn to love again.
Occasionally someone will say to me, “Emerson, I’m contemplating your theory of love and respect…and I think you may be on to something.” I smile at this but I also clarify that this isn’t “my theory”…this is a command from the all-wise God in Ephesians 5:33, and this is why it is a message that resonates around the world. It’s not a message exclusive to Americans, or a certain age group, or ethnic group. The Love and Respect message is for men and women everywhere.
We often hear incredible stories from people of all cultural backgrounds and from countries from around the world. The following testimony speaks to the power of this message that crosses all cultural barriers.
To Our Love and Respect Facebook Fans,
You are the best!
In the last 15 weeks, we jumped from 85,000 likes to 250,000 likes. Wow!
We are grateful for the way you engage the posts, blogs, and videos.
We are grateful for your thoughtful replies and expressions of thanks.
We are grateful for your humble and teachable hearts.
We are grateful for your desire to do relationships with wisdom.
We are grateful for the way you share with those you love and respect.
Have you heard comments like this from your wife?
- Remember your son’s music recital this Thursday. Please do not miss this one like you did the last one.
- My sister is coming for dinner tonight. Can you please act more interested than you usually do when she’s around? Ask her how she is feeling in her new relationship with Sam.
- Call your mother this week and talk with her longer than you did the last time. She said you only chatted for about five minutes.
Why are wives like this? Are these comments disrespectful or rooted in her concern and care?
Are you like my wife Sarah and me? We prefer to live according to our selfish nature. I prefer to be unloving to motivate Sarah to show me respect. Sarah prefers to be disrespectful to motivate me to show her love.
You know, unholy means to achieve holy ends.
Do you try to live that way? How’s it workin’ for you?
Q: My husband is a workaholic.Work comes before me and the kids, and our family is suffering. How do I respect him in this area?
Dr. E says: First, I cannot guarantee that what I have to say will automatically get a husband to quit working so many hours and be at home a lot more. However, in counseling many couples in this situation, I have made four observations that usually help a wife deal with the situation in a more positive way.
Photo Credit: Branden Harvey
Have you become someone that you wish you weren’t in your marriage? Are you wondering how that happened or what to do about it? Shannon took a hard look at herself and allowed God to begin to change her.
I am looking into the mirror and I’m finding a vixen woman. I have been extremely (as a huge understatement!!!) disrespectful to my husband. I have lashed out at him. He is a good willed man and never has intentions of bad things.
As a young mom I found myself praying, “Lord help me respond, not react.”
Easier prayed than done!
I wish I had responded more often. I wish I had prayed for more awareness in the daily and difficult times. I wish I had responded more often.
The difference between responding and reacting can be summed up in one word: self-control. Responding is taking the time for a deep breath, perhaps counting to 3, and thinking about our response. Reacting, on the other hand, is just that: our immediate, knee-jerk reaction, revealing our frustration and anger.
Photo Credit: Branden Harvey
Many husbands share that they want their wives happy. I believe most of them are sincere.
SOME DISCOUNT A HUSBAND’S SINCERITY
But as you probably know some folks do not think you really care all that much about your wife’s happiness. To them, you are more words than actions.
Shaunti Feldhahn, a superb researcher writes, “I must confess it actually took me years to understand what I was hearing when so many men said, ‘I just want my wife to be happy.’ I discounted their comments since I assumed they were saying it because it’s something they felt they should say.”