Respecting my unsaved spouse

[gloria p]

I am needing some pointers on how to show respect to my un saved husband. I have shared here on the forum, that my husband is a Latter-day Saint ( Mormon). My coming to the Lord has been very difficult on my marriage. My husband continously digs into me about my leaving the Mormon church, and embracing Christianity.

My question to you all -- is how do I show respect when my un saved husband makes fun of my faith or badgers me about my leaving this false religon?

I truly want to show respect, but find it challenging when I am faced with his unkind remarks about my faith.

How can I respond in respect when he does this?

I am left feeling very disrespected myself, and torn between my love for God and my love for my husband.

In Christ,
gloria

[wife425]

Gloria, perhaps it will help you if you try and see where your husband is coming from. From his perspective your leaving his church speaks disrespect to his need for parts of CHAIRS; specifically A - his desire to serve and lead, I - his desire to analyze and counsel, and perhaps even R if you served in the church side-by-side together. Looking at it this way, can you understand why he is reacting so unloving towards you for your new faith (which he will view only as false religion)?

So, even though he is not a Christian, do you respect his desire to serve & lead and to analyze & counsel? Can you respect his desire to live a life that pleases God (just because he is misguided does not mean that his intent is bad)? Perhaps you can pour on admiration in other areas to counter how disrespected he is feeling in A & I. For instance, express admiration about his work and achievements and his desire to provide for and protect you and the children. Also, make efforts for shoulder-to-shoulder time and sexual intimacy with him. Look for ways to build him up in A & I that don't involve his church. Ask his advice in areas you don't normally consult him and defer to allow him to make more decisions than usual.

Most importantly, draw close to God and let Him change you into the woman He wants you to be. Over time, your husband will notice these heart changes and that's what will show him that you haven't left his religion for another religion. He will see that you have found a relationship with God, and he will want that too!

My last bit of advice is for when he makes fun of you or badgers you: go quiet. Emerson says, "Your silence speaks far more to him than your words, but the silence must appear as respectful, dignified silence, not a contemptuous, angry, pouty and sour silence." The bible says, "Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives when they see the purity and reverence of your lives." I Peter 3:1&2

~wife425

[gloria p]

So, even though he is not a Christian, do you respect his desire to serve & lead and to analyze & counsel? Can you respect his desire to live a life that pleases God (just because he is misguided does not mean that his intent is bad)? Perhaps you can pour on admiration in other areas to counter how disrespected he is feeling in A & I. For instance, express admiration about his work and achievements and his desire to provide for and protect you and the children. Also, make efforts for shoulder-to-shoulder time and sexual intimacy with him. Look for ways to build him up in A & I that don't involve his church. Ask his advice in areas you don't normally consult him and defer to allow him to make more decisions than usual.





~wife425

Thank you, wife425 for your wise thoughts & counsel you shared! I appreciate it. I have been trying to show extra respect in other areas of our lives, especially in regards to his work, and I can see the positive effects of that. It's just so hard when he makes a pun or a digging remark. It's hurtful.
This particular faith he is involved with ( Mormonism) is very patriarchal, so he feels a great need to lead, direct, and basically control most areas our home life. He is very disgruntled that his views basically in religion are politely listened to, but not embraced. A hard thing I suspect for his ego. It is also compounded by the fact that the children have also embraced Christianity, and although we are respectful to his beliefs, they are not embraced. That fact is very frustrating to him. Very.

I do see that spending extra time showing respect in other areas does help, and also increasing the time I spend with him in sexual intamacy helps a lot too. I need to remember that although I can not submit to his religious views, I can show submission in other areas of our life.

Thank you for your encouragement,

Gloria