Mother & Son
Just as the New York Times bestseller Love & Respect message transformed family relationships with a biblical understanding of love and respect, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs now turns these principles to one of the most important and misunderstood relationships of all, the mother and son relationship.
What You Will Learn
- Learn the importance of mothers showing respect to their sons in the mother-son relationship.
- Understand the transformative power of respect in nurturing a strong connection with your son.
- Discover practical ways to connect with your son by better understanding and respecting him.
- Explore the distinct impact of respect on young boys and its positive effects.
- Gain insights to foster your son's growth and development through respect.
- Empower yourself as a mother with a definitive guide to connecting with your son in a meaningful way.
- Unlock the key to nurturing your son's heart through respect.
Mother & Son
The Respect Effect
Respect Is the Key to Your Son's Heart
The idea of moms respecting their sons may sound alien to some, but it seems to ignite curiosity across the board. It is easy to relate to the need for all of us to feel a mother’s love, but is that the same thing as respect? Even for young boys, the effect of respect is nothing short of astounding when applied properly.
The definitive guide for a mom that wants to better understand her son and connect in a whole new way.
Empowering Mothers in the Vital Mother-Son Relationship
Mothers, it's time to address the urgency of the situation. While there's significant focus on coaching fathers to love their daughters, the conversation around specific ways for mothers to show respect to their sons has been largely silent and lacking comprehensive guidance. The undeniable truth is that little girls need their father's love, but who is championing the importance of mothers showing respect to their sons, both young and grown? It's no wonder that mothers often feel left in the dark on this vital topic.
Now, drawing from his transformative work in marital relationships, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs shifts his focus to one of the most significant bonds of all—the relationship between a mother and her son. By applying biblical principles of love and respect, he sheds light on this crucial dynamic and provides practical and applicable insights. It's time to bring clarity and understanding to the unique and essential role mothers play in showing respect to their sons.
Read What Moms Are Saying About Mother & Son!
Your teaching has touched our family in a way that will change us for generations to come and I can never thank you enough.
Mom
It was helpful for each of us...Particularly appreciated the shoulder to shoulder time explanation, and the explanation of using the word respect in conversations with my sons.
Mom
Practically every chapter I was shaking my head in agreement. I think about things before I say them and try to explain in the most respectful tone without raising my voice. The biggest win for me was the first time I tried Respect Talk with my oldest son.
Mom
I love my two teenage sons, and I've yearned to be a good mother to them, but wasn't sure how. This book told me how, and is changing my relationships with them.
Mom
These things have made my son smile like I have never seen. I talk more about respect with regard to sporting events and showing respect for other opponents. My son knows without a doubt that I love him . . . now I feel he knows that I value him and his ideas, which I may not have done so well in the past. . . . Thank you so much for sharing God’s message.
Mom
I expect new fruit in many areas and look forward to using these tools to bring healing to first myself and then others. God bless your ministry.
Mom
My relationship with my twenty-two-year-old son improved overnight! Who knew that... simple changes in words could make such a difference.
Mom
Your teaching is helping me to allow my boy to talk about his birth mom and ask questions and cry tears. I don’t think I could have done that with the grace and kindness needed if I didn’t understand his need for respect.
Mom
Just finished Mother & Son Respect Effect. I loved it!! I wish I had read it sooner although I do believe I’ve learned to respect my 16 year old in a just a few short weeks. I’ve told all my friends about it as I believe it’s a must for all moms of boys. I also strongly feel that female public school teachers should read this book!!
Mom
I have written him letters in the past to tell him I love him and how much he means to me (he is very sentimental and has kept every note and letter). But telling him I respect him went over the top. I have made a vow to respect my son and treat him like I want his future spouse to treat him.
Mom
It was life-changing; it spoke to their hearts. Don’t get me wrong, they still have disagreements at thirteen and fourteen, but they are quick to resolve them, and they are best friends.
Mom
I love the fact that there are practical words and phrases to use with my son that I would have never thought to say., Words that he longs to hear from me. Mother and Son is worth your read. Emerson will help you understand your son better.
Mom
"We had a great 2-hour talk…and then, just as he was leaving, he came up behind me and put his arms around me and said, “I love you, Mom.” Whew…so special!"
Mom
...it has opened my eyes to a whole new world. I’m a divorced mom with 2 adult sons and no brothers, so sorely in need of this book to get a clue. Wow!
Mom
This book has given me great illumination on the way God created the male gender and how to respond as their mother. It’s a book I need to reread every few years!
Mom
...Needless to say my eyes are wide open now and even though I want to love each of them and I will always love them, but now I absolutely want to respect them as well…Again thank you so much.
Mom
So wish I had read when my son was little, but found powerful at 30 years old as well.
Mom
My sons now text me simple sentences just to let me know what is going on in their lives. I always thank them for sharing and leave it at that. Simple conversations=more conversations.
Mom
I have recommended this book to all my friends with sons. I even purchased it for one friend! This book is worth the time and the money for Moms to learn how to relate with their sons in the way that is most meaningful to them.
Mom
Your book was a powerful eye opener for me. Incredibly insightful. Practically helpful ...thank you for it. And I'm grateful to God - through Christ - for the way in which He's been using it in our lives. Truly.
Mom
This is the same kid that a week ago said that I don't act like I like him. On one walk he said that he was going to stay with me so he could protect me. Later in the weekend I said that I was glad he was with me and that I wasn't alone because I felt safer having him there. He was so energized by that.
Mom
My son and I both win in so many ways!…I keep the book on my nightstand and keep going through it so I don’t forget any of the information. This has been a lifestyle change for me with my son because it just works.
Mom
Your teaching has touched our family in a way that will change us for generations to come and I can never thank you enough.
I loved this book and recommended it for a book club of moms. It was helpful for each of us...Particularly appreciated the shoulder to shoulder time explanation, and the explanation of using the word respect in conversations with my sons. The book was helpful because it allowed me to see how my communication needed to be different with my sons than it is with my daughters. It made me more intentional in conversations with my guys.
I just finished Mother & Son and have learned so much. I have three sons...and have been struggling communicating with my oldest. A friend at church had recommended your book and it couldn’t have come at the more perfect time. For me it was easy and I get it now! Practically every chapter I was shaking my head in agreement. I think about things before I say them and try to explain in the most respectful tone without raising my voice. The biggest win for me was the first time I tried Respect Talk with my oldest son. We had gotten into an argument over the weekend and it was bothering me. A few days later I went into his room before bed and had apologized for my actions and how we are a lot alike and he is growing into a respectful and honorable young man. He grinned and I said good night and walked out. I went back into bed and within 5 minutes he came into our room to give us a hug, kiss, say good night and that he loved us! I had the biggest smile on my face. For me, this is easy and I get it now. I didn’t understand the blue way of thinking and it is something I am working on every day now. Thank you!
I have to admit that I am not great at either the love or respect talk! So humbling. And yet, this book really gave me incentive to try to be better, with concrete examples that I desperately needed. I love my two teenage sons, and I've yearned to be a good mother to them, but wasn't sure how. This book told me how, and is changing my relationships with them. It is slow, because I do not change easily, but I am persevering, and better is BETTER!
When my son gives me his insight I say, “I really respect what you have to say,” or “I respect the way you handled that situation.” Or “I really respect how you are taking initiative to get things done and follow through with . . .” These things have made my son smile like I have never seen. I talk more about respect with regard to sporting events and showing respect for other opponents. My son knows without a doubt that I love him . . . now I feel he knows that I value him and his ideas, which I may not have done so well in the past. . . . Thank you so much for sharing God’s message.
In talking to my sons on the phone, I thought I would try out the respect thing. Instead of always ending our conversation with I love you, I said, “I respect (I made it personal to their situations).” One son got quiet and then said, “Thank you, mom,” which really touched my heart. Another son who is more distant from us emotionally and spiritually also got quiet and then said, “I love you,” which he seldom says first or responds to when I say it. To me that was awesome. I expect new fruit in many areas and look forward to using these tools to bring healing to first myself and then others. God bless your ministry.
My relationship with my twenty-two-year-old son improved overnight! Who knew that... simple changes in words could make such a difference. Now I tell him how much I appreciate him, and he tears up. Before, I told him I loved him and got back, "I know, I know, I luv u too." Learning the right words to get my feelings across in a way they can be assimilated was so easy!
Because of my lack of understanding the importance of respect, I purchased your “Mother and Son” book. We adopted our son as a newborn. We have always been honest with him about his story and now at 8 years of age he is beginning to ask some hard questions. Your teaching is helping me to allow my boy to talk about his birth mom and ask questions and cry tears. I don’t think I could have done that with the grace and kindness needed if I didn’t understand his need for respect. Respecting my husband and my son is healing them. It is amazing to see."
Just finished Mother & Son Respect Effect. I loved it!! I wish I had read it sooner although I do believe I’ve learned to respect my 16 year old in a just a few short weeks. I’ve told all my friends about it as I believe it’s a must for all moms of boys. I also strongly feel that female public school teachers should read this book!!
We have two boys, and our oldest is almost eleven. I know that he feels a lot of pressure on him to be a good example to his three younger siblings. I tell him I love him all the time, but I had never considered telling him I respect him. This last Tuesday, I was cleaning his room, and I found a note he had written. It said, “Failure=Benjamin.” He is very hard on himself. . . . I was devastated. I knew something had to change, and that something was us, his parents. We need to show him that we respect him. Before he got home from school, I made twelve notes and taped them around his room and hid them in places such as drawers and under his pillow: I love you. I respect you. I respect your ideas. I am so proud of you. You are the most creative person I know. You are a great big brother. As soon as he got home and saw the obvious ones I had posted, he ran to me and gave me a hug! His eyes were sparkling, and he was so excited. He immediately took the notes and made a board that said “compliment board” and taped them all to it. I have written him letters in the past to tell him I love him and how much he means to me (he is very sentimental and has kept every note and letter). But telling him I respect him went over the top. I have made a vow to respect my son and treat him like I want his future spouse to treat him.
A mother and preschool director wrote: We have four children, two boys and two girls. Our boys are in the middle and sixteen months apart. Our boys were arguing, bickering, and annoying each other on purpose around ages nine and ten... I would remind them to “be nice” or “show kindness,” and their actions would change for the moment, but it didn’t reach their hearts. As I applied the respect principle to them and said things such as “You aren’t showing your brother respect when you ______________.” Or “You show your friends respect, so you need to extend that same respect to your brother.” It was life-changing; it spoke to their hearts. Don’t get me wrong, they still have disagreements at thirteen and fourteen, but they are quick to resolve them, and they are best friends.
I have read Love and Respect years ago so I was familiar with the Respect message. However, I had not realized how much I didn’t know… What I didn’t know was my son, now adult, was starving for my respect as much as my husband did in the past. I always expected my son to show respect to me while thinking love was all he needed from me. Now, Emerson has opened my eyes again to the reality. I am getting ready to construct a letter to my adult son telling him how much I Respect him. I love the fact that there are practical words and phrases to use with my son that I would have never thought to say., Words that he longs to hear from me. Mother and Son is worth your read. Emerson will help you understand your son better.
…I had a heart-to-heart talk with our 35-year old son this past week. I started reading “Mother and Son” while we were still at the conference and was deeply convicted just after reading the intro! I texted my son immediately and said: “only gotten through the intro to Emerson’s new book and have learned that I have always loved you deeply, but have not always respected you – as a young boy or as a man. For that I deeply apologize and have much to seek your forgiveness for. God has already shown me two very specific times. Can we talk after I get home…at a time convenient for you?” he responded fairly quickly and said: “Yes we can”. We had a great 2-hour talk…and then, just as he was leaving, he came up behind me and put his arms around me and said, “I love you, Mom.” Whew…so special!
I just finished Mother & Son: The Respect Effect, and it has opened my eyes to a whole new world. I’m a divorced mom with 2 adult sons and no brothers, so sorely in need of this book to get a clue. Wow! I have also ordered the Love & Respect Conference DVDs to help me with gaining more knowledge on the topic. Can’t wait for them to arrive. Thank you for this wonderful and enlightening book.
I listened to the audio book but now I’m ordering the hard copy. There is so much amazing information in here, I need a better way to reference it! After having many years of marriage turmoil, I heard an explanation of the Crazy Cycle. In hearing this, I knew I needed to know more but marriage wounds were too fresh. Having two sons (9 and 4), I knew I needed understanding from God so that I would raise them with their masculine needs met to the best of my ability. This book has given me great illumination on the way God created the male gender and how to respond as their mother. It’s a book I need to reread every few years!
I first want to say thank you so much for writing this book for all of us mothers. I’m not a big reader but I just knew I needed to get through this. When my son was a lot younger of course our relationship was significantly different and it was all about love and he loved love. I realize in the teenage years that something was changing and I could not quite figure it out. And now I recently got married and I have three stepchildren. Each of them are boys. I have three teenagers currently and a nine-year-old boy. Needless to say my eyes are wide open now and even though I want to love each of them and I will always love them, but now I absolutely want to respect them as well…Again thank you so much.
So wish I had read when my son was little, but found powerful at 30 years old as well. Although we don't line up on our worldview at this stage, I found an area I genuinely
admire and respect in my son. When I told him I respected the way he handles his finances, my words resonated with him in a way that he immediately physically sat more erect (in the car passenger seat) and then shared with me some of his business ideas.
This book has been invaluable! My sons are 20 and 22, and my godson is 12. I purchased this book 6 months ago and have been amazed at how much it has transformed our conversations. I make sure to tell them how much I respect them via texts. Because it's not in person, it is not awkward and received well by them…This shows the different way that men communicate and receive love vs how women receive love and communicate. It is a different language. It will feel awkward, just like learning a foreign language. At times you will say it wrong or too often, but with practice, you will know the right way to use "respect" language and the exact words to use. It is worth the struggle. It will open your eyes and you will see exactly how much your son loves you by his actions. My sons now text me simple sentences just to let me know what is going on in their lives. I always thank them for sharing and leave it at that. Simple conversations=more conversations.
Through your book I realized I have never showed my sons (ages 19 and 21) respect. They know I love them, but I'm sure they never felt respected. I'm convinced my words (and actions) made them feel controlled and belittled, which created a wall between us. I'm learning how to honor my sons with respect (and space) and in return I'm receiving the love I crave. I try regularly to tell my sons something I respect about them or something that makes me proud. It is transforming our relationships...I have recommended this book to all my friends with sons. I even purchased it for one friend! This book is worth the time and the money for Moms to learn how to relate with their sons in the way that is most meaningful to them.
Your book was a powerful eye opener for me. Incredibly insightful. Practically helpful ...thank you for it. And I'm grateful to God - through Christ - for the way in which He's been using it in our lives. Truly.
I have two boys... I have recently read and listened to this book. I feel like this book has opened my eyes to how much I fail in my conversations with them... The conversations in your book are so foreign to me with my boys. I am at the point now where I can see where I did not respond with respect, now I need to get the vocabulary burned into my brain! It is going to be a process of changing my vocabulary, but I am committed to the long haul! I know it is what my young men need… The biggest mindset change has been with me focusing on spending shoulder to shoulder time with them and watching them doing things... I now have the freedom to just do stuff with them and not have to talk. This last weekend I was home alone with my [son]. We spent a lot of time talking about whatever was on his mind (he loves to talk), going for walks, playing things he enjoys, and working outside. It was a lot of shoulder to shoulder time. I cannot tell you how many times he said that he just loves spending time with me. This is the same kid that a week ago said that I don't act like I like him. On one walk he said that he was going to stay with me so he could protect me. Later in the weekend I said that I was glad he was with me and that I wasn't alone because I felt safer having him there. He was so energized by that.
I have seen dramatic improvement in my relationship with my…son since I began implementing the principles in the book. I already had a good relationship with my son and picked up the book in anticipation of these next…years, but I hadn’t realized how much better it could be for both of us. My son and I both win in so many ways!…I keep the book on my nightstand and keep going through it so I don’t forget any of the information. This has been a lifestyle change for me with my son because it just works.
Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs
Dr. Emerson Eggerichs is an internationally known public speaker on the topic of male-female relationships. Based on over three decades of pastoring, counseling and study of biblical and scientific research, Dr. Eggerichs and his wife Sarah developed the Love and Respect Conference which they present to live audiences around the country.
About Love & RespectProduct Quotes
Never give up. If you want to have a strong marriage, you need to accept temporary setbacks as part of the game.
She’ll feel at peace with you when you let her vent your frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off.
We might say that every negative action in the family has an equal and opposite negative reaction.
“With eyes of faith, envision Jesus standing just beyond the shoulder of your spouse and listening to every word you speak in every conversation, pleasant or tense. When you speak lovingly or respectfully to your spouse, you are speaking to Christ. Your spouse just happens to be there too.” This truth has sanctified the lips of many. Instead of giving their spouse a verbal whipping or choking on the idea of saying anything positive, now some spouses are motivated to speak words of unconditional love or respect.
This is the Rewarded Cycle: His love blesses regardless of her respect and her respect blesses regardless of his love.
Just because you may feel unloved or disrespected does not mean your spouse is sending that message.
If we subscribe to the belief that because we are equal we are the same, then we’re going to expect our spouse to respond the way we do.
Above all trust God when the “whys” of life threaten to overwhelm you.
The woman absolutely needs love, and the man absolutely needs respect. It’s as simple- and as difficult- as that.
Life is too short to fuss and fret over trivial irritations.
Thank the Lord for all the trouble-free moments in which you and your spouse enjoy Him, each other, your family, your ministry and life as a whole. Ask Him for the strength to accept your measure of trouble, and the wisdom to deal with the annoyances and irritations by loving and respecting each other with new commitment. (You may also want to pray about troubles at work, at church, with the children…) “But those who marry will have trouble in this life” (1 Corinthians 7:28)
Whether visiting a prison, feeding the hungry, giving the thirsty a drink or speaking a word of love or respect, everything is to be done to and for Christ.
At the very bottom of things, in every case and in every conversation, you can do your marriage a huge favor by assuming she is seeking to feel loved or he is seeking to feel respected and give your spouse some grace!
Your wife feels you are open with her when you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes or ideas for your future.
[Husbands] do you realize the power of just holding your wife’s hand?
When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.
A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts...A child need to feel loved, especially during disputes.
When a husband chooses to do or say something loving, and that includes saying, ‘I’m sorry for coming across in an unloving way,’ he energizes his wife. When a wife decides to express herself respectfully, and that includes apologizing for her disrespectful attitude, she energizes her husband.
You must “ask God from the wealth of his glory to give you power through his Spirit to be strong in your inner selves.”
Don’t label each other as bad because you differ on how you solve your troubles.
Unconditional love or respect is never wasted. Hang onto this promise: “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9).
Each of you must focus on what God is calling you to do toward your spouse. Do not focus on what you think God is calling your spouse to do toward you.
When the wife flatly says her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves the husband in a lose-lose situation. Now he is responsible for both love and respect in the relationship. He must unconditionally love his wife and earn her respect.
Parenting is a faith venture. As we parent “unto Christ” we reap God’s reward, “knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord” (Eph. 6:8 NKJV)
Avoid like the plague trying to punish each other as a means of “motivation.” Christ-followers instinctively know that this destroys any opportunity to act out of reverence for Christ. In all marital issues, love and reverence for Christ must be our primary motivation.
If husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.
There is a discrepancy between who we want to be and see ourselves to be and how we actually sound in voice and writing. But with self-reflection and honesty, we can turn the corner and improve our communication. We need only evaluate what we are about to communicate.
A strong woman of dignity puts on respect out of her love and reverence for Jesus Christ. She trusts that His word not only protects and empowers her, but also rewards her with incomprehensible eternal blessings.
When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.
Words of Love and Respect must include thankfulness spoken to or about your spouse; don’t fixate on weaknesses and faults.
When Jesus said “turn the other cheek,” He wasn’t saying to be passive wimps. He was teaching that physically people can control you but if you turn and give the other cheek, suddenly you’re in control and you’re making the choices.
Getting married reveals, usually sooner than later, an incontestable fact: your spouse cannot possibly meet all your needs and desires
I often stress that one of the greatest rewards any persevering spouse can have is being a good example and influence on the children in the family.
When a wife feels unloved, it can be such a shock to her heart that she is oblivious to her disrespectful reactions toward her husband, though any man watching could see it plainly.
Marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for Jesus Christ.
Most marriages will succeed when obeying the command to Love and Respect.
Be quick to listen and understand and you have a much better chance of being understood.
You may believe that the careless, unloving or disrespectful words you speak are because your spouse is causing you to speak this way, but Jesus says that it is coming out of your heart.
As a husband, if you can grasp that you don’t always have to solve your wife’s problems, you will take a giant step toward showing her empathy and understanding.
Your marriage is really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for your Lord.
Often the apparent issue isn’t the real issue; the real issue is always a matter of love or respect.
Both Judas and Peter denied Jesus Christ, but there is a huge difference between a Judas and a Peter.
Pink and Blue perceptions not only affect seeing, they affect hearing as well. Women hear with pink hearing aids and men hear with blue hearing aids. Even more important to understand as you and your spouse seek to gain better communication, you can hear the very same words, but each of you will hear different messages.
[Husbands] as the church places her burdens on Christ, so a woman needs to place her burdens on her husband. When she shares with you, don’t assume she is asking you to solve the problem. Ask your wife, “Do you want a solution or a listening ear?”
It is so easy to draw wrong conclusions about a spouse’s character and motives due to an occasional flare-up or silly comment.
We must bring our identity in Christ to our parenting—we must not derive our identity from our children.
When you look to God and His Word as your ultimate source of significance and security, you don’t demand that your spouse take that role in your life. And as you draw strength from the Lord individually, He draws you closer together as a couple.
Here is the secret to marriage that every couple seeks and yet few find: Unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It’s the secret that will help you achieve a brand new level of intimacy.
It’s crucial to communicate with the right tone of voice and the right expression on your face.
Through Jesus and Peter, God set forth His standard for living in the unconditional dimension: choose to be loving even when the other person is not; do what is right regardless of the treatment you receive. I believe this standard applies directly to marriage. A husband who speaks lovingly to his disrespectful wife will be rewarded; and a wife who speaks respectfully to her unloving, not-worthy-of-respect husband will be rewarded. Whether you are husband or wife, the reward is what can keep you going in the midst of the craziness: knowing that God commends you, knowing that you have found his favor for your words and actions.
We can all have moments of anger, but this does not mean we have to lose control and sin.
Positive changes flood a relationship immediately when both husband and wife cancel the blame game!
When you possess a forgiving spirit, words of Love and Respect will flow authentically from your lips- and realize that the Lord Himself is listening to you at moments like these. He knows you are not powerless, but actually full of power that He has granted you.
We blame people for the bad things we do, but take credit for the good things we do.
The Crazy Cycle is, indeed “the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness” (Ecclesiastes 7:25)
Do not live by the standards of Hollywood; trust what God says in His Holy Word.
Responding to offensive words or actions with your own offensive words and actions is damaging and unproductive.
Clearly, in the marriage, in the family and in the household, when you speak words of blessing, you are speaking to the Lord, and for this you will be rewarded.
No one can really practice Love and Respect unless he or she does it as unto Jesus Christ.
When we speak before we think, we widen the chances the other person(s) will be notably hurt, frustrated, confused, angry, fearful, or offended by something we’ve communicated.
His love blesses regardless of her respect; her respect blesses regardless of his love.
No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration or anger, but you always have a choice. A wife can choose to be disrespectful or respectful. A husband can choose to be unloving or loving.
Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean the other person is offensive.
We get on the Crazy Cycle because without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.
Research and experience prove that men and women see and hear differently. Recognizing these differences and adjusting to them is absolutely necessary for reaching mutual understanding and better communication.
It’s true that women have intuition and that men should listen to them. It’s also true that women have blind spots and need the insight of their husbands.
Feeling unloved, a wife gets defensive and acts offensively without respect. Feeling disrespected, a husband gets defensive and acts offensively without love.
Don’t pressure yourself with perfection. We are going to fail. A righteous man falls 7 times but gets back up.
God designed the woman to love. He’s not going to command her to agape her husband when He created her to do that in the first place. God is not into redundancy.
There is power and freedom that comes in understanding that no one can cause you to react in a certain way. It is your choice.
No matter how difficult your spouse may be at the moment, your spouse does not have control over your reaction; you do. You may be experiencing disappointment, frustration, or anger, but you always have a choice.
We all need love and respect equally. But, during conflict our felt needs are as different as pink is from blue.
There is a plan to parent God’s way, even when our children may seek to go their own way at time. The secret is to follow this plan regardless. When you do, I believe you succeed in His eyes.
Your position in Christ is what counts, not your less-than-perfect performance.
No matter what your struggle- criticism, constant conflict, sex, money, parenting, harsh words- learning to communicate the Love and Respect way can help you make crucial changes and build the kind of relationship that God blesses.
Thank the Lord for the goodwill each of you has toward the other. Ask Him for strength to give each other the benefit of the doubt during moments when someone’s goodwill seems to be lacking. “He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it.” (Proverbs 11:27)
As mature men, we need to take leadership and put this out on the table. We must acknowledge our feelings- we need to feel respected. However, as we do this we must acknowledge our wife’s feelings- she needs to feel loved!
“Respect is a man’s deepest value. I have had numerous men tell me, ‘I would rather live with a wife who respected me but did not love me than live with a wife who loved me but did not respect me.’ These men are not saying that they are indifferent to love. They know they need love, but they need to feel respected even more than they need to feel loved.“
Don’t conclude that your spouse is wrong when he/she is seeking to do the right and righteous thing.
The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need, especially during conflict.
Husbands, even Jesus Himself was asked by a woman, “Do you not care?” (Luke 10:40) When your wife accuses you of not caring, decode her deeper meaning.